All posts by steve@kerrzone.com

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Communication

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Success in life is dependent on communication. That is the imparting or exchange of information.  The openness and clarity (or lack thereof) with which this activity is practiced determines outcomes.

Our ability to share information with others is a foundational ability to enable us to achieve our goals and objectives.   This begins from the moment we are born.

Simplistic  Communication from the Mouths of Babes

Immediately after birth, urgent communication comes in the form of loud abrasive wailing (crying).  We have not yet developed the capabilities to more clearly define our purpose.

The babies crying is a great technique for imparting information relative to something urgent that needs to be addressed.  Unfortunately for the poor parents, it is not always clear what the child’s objective is.

This is a great example of the need to communicate clearly both priority and desired objective.  While the babies objective might not be clear the priority certainly is.

Stress, Frustration, and Inefficiency

Sticking the analogy of the child for a moment, the form of early communication they use can frequently result in their objective being achieved, but on occasion, this is not the case which can result in stress and frustration (on the parents part).

As we grow older the pitfalls of poor communication become more apparent.   Arguments or dissatisfying encounters with partners, friends ,colleagues and acquaintances or just about anyone we interact with are almost exclusively founded in some form of miscommunication.

Key Principles

Communicating effectively is simple.  Don’t hold back, be open and honest but sensitive to others needs.  What brings you pleasure must not impinge on the pleasure of others.

Remember, whatever the situation communication is always a two way street.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

May day

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It’s the first of May today.  In many European cultures this is a public holiday which dates back to ancient spring festivals and usually involves public dancing, merriment and eating of cake.

Of course not so much public celebrating this year with many locations practicing social distancing in an effort to stave off the illness arising from the global pandemic.

Mayday Alternate Meaning

interestingly when used as one word although the syntax is the same the meaning is full circle different.  In 1923 mayday became first used as a distress call,  officially internationally recognized as such in 1948.

Mayday as a distress call arose from the french for help me, m’aider.  Nothing to do with the popular celebration of spring, but in light of current events an interesting juxtaposition.

Send Help

Certainly this is a time to seek help from a worldwide perspective.  Perhaps extraterrestrials will hear our plea and provide help .  Mayday,mayday,mayday.

You are supposed to repeat it three times so it won’t be misinterpreted and of course it is intended for use only in life threatening situations.  (I think the pandemic applies).

Uplifting Spirits

Fortunately the arrival of spring and associated celebration, although somewhat muted this year is still an oppotunity to uplift our spirits and should not be ignored.

It is not my birthday but I do intend to splurge on a big slice ofcake.  Provided of course I can find one safely.   Perhaps home delivery, just leave it on the doorstep.  Very popular approach these days.

While however it arrives I plan to enjoy my cake this year.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Stir Crazy

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A common phenomenon that often occurs in jailed criminals is psychological instability arising, as a result of being imprisoned (i.e., going stir crazy in the common vernacular)

Interestingly given the restrictions on the face to face social interactions (masks and distancing) coupled with general encouragement to stay home,  many people are experiencing this symptoms.

Fear of the Unknown

Confinement to ones home coupled with limited ability to predict when things will return to normal impacts the way we behave, sometimes even without us consciously recognizing the effects.

The first step to addressing the behaviours associated with uncontrolled confinement (involuntary) is to recognize them.  The stress of change coupled with not knowing when things will return to normal can cause us to behave erratically.

Domestic Disputes

The local police recently reported a higher incidence of domestic disturbances over the past month.  I attribute this to the effects of going stir crazy.

Typically one of the first symptoms of psychological distress arising from confinement and forced close quarters is the dropping of etiquette associated behaviours.

Social norms can go by the wayside when you don’t have access to society, just those you stuck in the house with.  Driven by the personal stress arising from an unknown future, playing nice does not appear to be a priority for many of us.

No Regrets

If you seek motivation to identify and shut down the effects of going stir crazy, just remember, it is not a valid excuse for bad behaviour and if you don’t hold it in check you are most likely to suffers regrets in the future.

Nothing good comes out of letting confinement adversely affect your psychology.  Take charge, overcome the feelings focus on when you will be free again.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Embrace all Life Experiences

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Embrace the new norm, relax, and enjoy the unique opportunities afforded you during a global pandemic.   At any point in our lives, there will be exhilarating moments and undue adversity.

The gift of life we were granted on birth is not to be wasted and every experience, both good and bad is well worth treating as worthwhile, after all, there are no second chances or re-do’s.

Why Fight It

Live fully in every moment and work to recognize the meaning of every experience you have and make the most of it.   Futile resistance is not worthwhile.

That is not to say bad situations should not be resisted where feasible just don’t waste time and incur emotional pain for things that are generally outside of your control.

Anxiety without a purpose is a true waste of effort and can cause you to miss the chance to embrace all experiences in a worthwhile way,  both good and bad.

See the Good

The main point of this post is that everything has a value even when the pain and sadness associated to make it seem that is not the case.  All human life consists of both stress and relaxation (i.e. positive and negative)

Without both good and bad life it becomes hard to live.  The experiences we live through are full-spectrum and this enhances the overall life experience.

While it seems hard to take in the moment life without both yin and yang does not exist.  Accept the hardships you experience, adapt, and move on.  You will have a better overall life following this approach.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Leveraging the Past and Future

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Ground your present through reference to the experiences of the past and the prophecies for the future.  These things can be key to helping us be successful in the present.

Things that occur in the past or we perceive as future opportunities are not a solute predictors of the present but deserve our consideration as potential influencers.

Past Outcomes equal Present Facts

The past represents facts, that is they are things that are known and can be demonstrated  as being true.  The past occurred and the outcomes are a real although interpreting what they mean can be somewhat subjective.

Predicting future events with accuracy depends depends on how much is known about the options and their potential likelihood.

Using future predictions together with analysis of past outcomes needs to be done with careful and considered analysis.  Other factors must be taken into account as well.

What has happened or prognosis for what will happen are important, even critical decision making parameters relative to ensuring the best decision but they should not be used at the expense of all else (e.g., intuition).

Repeating the Past, Ignoring the Future

Consideration of what has transpired in the past before acting in the present is obviously an important factor in avoiding the repeat of sub-optimal outcomes.

Likewise using likelihood estimations of future projections avoids performing actions in the present which will not conform with what the future will be.

Simply paying attention to what has and will happen in order to make good decisions seems like basic common sense yet surprisingly these things are often ignored.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Choose Freedom

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People used to desire the freedom to work at home on occasion.  The thought here is “on occasion”.  In the current world of self-isolation and mandatory working from home the phrase “freedom to work at home” is almost an oxymoron.

Many of us have been trapped in our homes for over six weeks, some with our kids.  Not that being constantly with your kids is unfortunate but after a while, both adults and kids find it a bit wearing.

Stay Home

For me no having to travel to and from work, beyond a few steps to my home office is a real bonus, one which I do not tire of.  However, the lack of face to face interaction beyond that with my spouse does become a little wearing (and I’m an introvert by nature).

For those with personalities of a more extroverted nature the “freedom” to stay home must be stifling.  From this perspective, I do feel fortunate.

Whether your basic personality trait is more introverted or extroverted there is a need for interaction and freedom to move and for our own sakes, we should not become home hermits to an absolute extent.

Stay Safe but Live

Although our freedom to interact in large groups or close interface has been restricted by rule of law, this does not stop social interaction.  Nor should it deter you from going outside.

Yes the freedom to stay home is restrictive but we all can choose to adapt to the circumstances, stay safe but still live our lives to their fullest.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Enjoying what you do

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There are reams of material around the value of enjoying how you use your time.  Roughly speaking we can divide our time into three categories:

  • leisure – free time which is not constrained by a need to act in a certain way
  • working. – any time your actions are at the disposal of your employer (including self-employment). This includes paid and voluntary employment
  • sleeping -the voluntary absence of wakefulness associated with the loss of consciousness (different from “sleeping with” which refers to sexual relations)

Whatever you are doing, regardless of the focus or category almost all studies indicate you do it better the more you enjoy it.  Although a bit subjective enjoyment is broadly considered things we perceive as pleasurable.

Without Joy

I ask myself if the activity I am doing brings no joy, why am I doing it.  Obviously we have needs that go beyond constantly seeking pleasure alone but those are the ones to avoid whenever you can.

Whether at work, leisure, or sleeping the absence of joy makes the activity less likely to be performed with vigor and enthusiasm.  So what’s the point?

Hedonistic

Being engaged solely in the pursuit of pleasure characterized by sensual self-indulgence is not what I am advocating here.  Enjoying or deriving pleasure from all you do is a strategy not an absolute.

Considering others and building them into your personal pleasure profile is tantamount to achieving the objective.

The purpose of this post is to highlight the value of seeking to enjoy all you do whenever possible.   This is perhaps a form of hedonism but I would not classify it as hedonistic behavior.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Common Sense

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Yesterdays post about empowerment contained the suggestion to practice common sense.  I received some excellent feedback questioning the validity of my recommendation.

After all common sense can be a very subjective term with a multitude of interpretations.   As a decision support tool, does it really have value or is it just an easy motherhood type recommendation.

In Principle

My intent was to consider the practice of common sense more as a principle and strategy than a definitive action.   Common sense is the ability to perceive, understand, and judge things in a way that is shared by nearly all people. (i.e., in common)

An individual feeling that something is the case is of course subjective to an extent.  Good sense is the ability to under those feelings that are shared by the majority.

This is not an absolute method to making the best choices but it is a validation technique with proven value.  Reacting the way most others would is often best (but not always)

Not Absolute

The practice of common sense needs to be considered as a guide not the definitive way to decide how to proceed.  The approach is just one of many ways you can help validate the veracity of your conclusions.

While this is not a litmus test which will always lead to the best results casting aside common sense can lead to disastrous results.

For example, each year the Darwin awards go to people who have lost their lives through silly actions.   Clearly they were not practicing common sense and if they had, they may still be alive today.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Freedom

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I was listening to the folk-rock tune “Me and Bobbie McGee” the other day and got reflective and philosophical as a result of the lyrics (songs that reflect real-life can do sometimes do this).

In particular, I was struck by the line, “Freedom is just another word for nothin’ left to lose”.   It is a bit of an ironic statement but probably accurate.

Felliniesque

Through the sixties and seventies, the made-up term Felliniesque (fantastical or surreal) was coined as a reflection on the quality of movies directed by Italian Frederico Fellini.

Frederico’s distinctive style blended fantasy and baroque images with earthiness while still highly intelligent and thought-provoking.  It was from one of his stories the song “Me and Bobby McGee” arose.

Kristofferson

In the late sixties singer-songwriter Kris Kristofferson wrote a song which he based on the last scene of Frederico Fellini’s movie “La Strada”

Kris wanted to create an emotional and moving ode to the sadness and despair apparent in the movie which was based on the simple concept that being free of emotional ties might be aspirational but ultimately it can lead to great sadness.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Feeling Good About Yourself

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Empowerment is an important way to help yourself become stronger and more confident, especially in controlling your life and claiming what is yours by right.

I have posted before around the importance of leaders creating a framework that enables others to be empowered.  Today’s post will focus on individual empowerment.

Ask for Forgiveness

A key way to exercise empowerment is to proceed with confidence whether explicitly authorized or not.  If questioned about your actions, in the worse case just apologizes for overstepping and ask for forgiveness.

There are boundaries to this approach that must be adhered to.  If explicitly forbidden from taking a specific action or if the action borders on improper behavior (e.g., illegal, immoral and so on) don’t do it.

If you plan to ask for forgiveness post mortem (per-say) it is critical you have a solid justification and realistic support for your actions.

Empowerment not Anarchy

Taking control of your life does not mean at the expense of all else.  Doing anything you want is a form of anarchy and is not being advocated here.

Taking charge when it makes sense to do so and in doing so enhance your own self-worth and build personal confidence is strongly advocated.   But, be sure to apply a large dose of common sense before acting, perhaps recklessly.

Better Results

Acting based on the directions given by others can be demeaning and also typically will have reduced buy-in by you relative to the matter at hand.  For the sake of your own self worth take personal accountability and responsibility whenever you can.  Empower yourself.