All posts by steve@kerrzone.com

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Respect for all

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One critical key to a happy and successful life is paying due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of both yourself and others.

Obviously a very real and significant part of everything we do is about us but that should not be at the expense of others, nor should we gratify the needs of others at our own expense.

Two Way Street

The most important aspect of behaving in a respectful way is all about universality.  Paying respect to others is not all-encompassing and single-focused.

Treating everyone, including yourself, with sensitivity and fairness and recognizing everyone is important is self-fulfilling.  That is beneficial to both you and those you interact with.

We all desire to be treated respectfully by others but sometimes we act in ways that are self disrespectful.  Not only should we treat others in ways we would like to be treated but also, closer to home, we should treat ourselves that way.

A World of Respect

Fair and equitable treatment applied universally is a utopian concept.  It can seem unattainable.  Partly that is because respectful behaviour has a subjective component and the definition and expectations can vary person to person.

Notwithstanding the various finer and more detailed  interpretations of respect, holistically, the principles are common and in a broad sense, the difference between disrespect and respect is usually obvious.

Check Yourself

A simple way to determine if you are behaving in a respectful way is to check how you feel and watch others to see how they feel.  Evidence of discomfort, your own or others is a good sign you might no be being as respectful as you need to be.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Continuous Improvement

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Doing better continuously should not be treated as a mandate, challenge, or chore but rather a lifestyle choice.  Like the Beatles sang so long ago “ It’s getting better all the time”.

We all have an opportunity to improve both our own and others situations through first recognizing ways to making things better and secondly acting on those observations.

Ongoing

The key to practicing ongoing improvement is a belief everything can be enhanced.  Resting on the laurels of it is good enough or it works so leave it alone can stall this practice.

The associated core value which underlies the process of continuous improvement is “We believe in better”.  This is without qualification.  Everything could be raised to a level higher quality, more efficient, bring more pleasure.  This never stops.

The history of human kind on the planet earth is an ongoing and  persistent example of continuous improvement.

There may be stumbles along the way and of course sometimes our better ways do have negative side effects, on the whole however, our lives our longer and easier than those of our predecesors.

Seize the Moment

When we have the chance to make a change for the better , there is little reason to hesitate.  We may not succeed with every attempt we make but if we don’t make the attempt it is unlikely improvement will ever occur.

Working to make things better all the time does require effort on our part, but the results easily justify the expenditure.  Simply put, better is best.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

But is it Right?

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During my corporate career, I encountered a number of different approaches to defining and implementing a code of ethical conduct.  That is the moral principles that govern a person’s organizational behavior.

Without exception, these were always founded on the expectation every individual member of the corporate family acted with honesty founded on strong moral principles.

Rules versus Common

Rule-based ethical practices are very popular but I have always had doubts about the effectiveness of this approach.  Behaving with integrity is not absolute and definitely is impacted by both context and personal perspective.

I believe the best organizational code of conduct I ever encountered began with a simple dissertation on the qualities of ethical behavior.

It was neither directive or specific as to what was correct or incorrect relative to carrying out your assigned responsibilities. The key to the code was the simple ending.

Question Yourself

Notwithstanding the high-level guidance employees could read in the document, in the end, all were simply directed to ask themselves, “But, is it right?” after considering all the contextual aspects and before committing to action.

After all, acting ethically is not a simple nor straightforward behavior.  It requires consideration of all the factors, and most importantly the application of common sense.

The intent of questioning yourself is obviously not to cause analysis paralysis, some things just don’t have an easy answer, nor is it intended to create a personal dilemma.

Check Comfortability Rating

Rather asking yourself “But is it right?” is simply a reasonability check.  Take time before committing yourself to action to really ensure you feel comfortable about what you are about to do.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Close the Door on your Way Out

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Looking for a way out, best practice, use the door.  Whatever you are doing there can come a time when you need to seek a change.  This can apply to any point or context of your life from work to play and every imaginable scenario in-between

Changes can be abrupt and not well planned.   These typically derive from frustration and related strong negative emotions (e.g., fear, anger, antipathy, sadness).  The exit can be noisy and messy.  Instead of using the door, you might leap through the window glass.

No Regrets

Exits made on the spur of the moment typically are not sustainable.  After a brief period of euphoria, “I did it”, in retrospect you begin to question your impulsive decision, and regret can set in.

There can come a time for you to choose to make a significant change (e.g,  a time to change your career, (voluntary or paid), start or end a family, take up or give up a sport, etc.)

The key to making the change, that is closing the door on something, is to not slam it.  Take your time, plan it out, and execute accordingly.  Your choice to change is in the context of improvement making things better is the goal.

Feelin Good

If the change is made and you are not happy something went wrong.  After all, why change if not for the better.  Planning including some introspection can help ensure you don’t act precipitously or contrary to your ultimate aim (improvement).

Take your time and think it through before leaping into space.  Calmly open the door and exit.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Meeting Everyones Needs

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The greater our ability to be fully conscious of our own character, feelings, motives, and desires (i.e., self-awareness) the more will be able to change our behavior to best integrate with other people.

Adapting our behaviours in ways that resonate with our own needs (which is why we need to know what those are) but taking into account the needs of others will produce the most effective results.

Constant Adaptation

Our personalities are formed by our late teens and changing our “go-to” behaviours holistically after this point requires great effort and occurs rarely.

By our early adult years changing behaviour typically requires conscious and concerted effort with a self focus.  Others can influence how we behave but the ultimate choice of behaviour lies with us.

Constantly adapting the way we react to and provide direction for others relies on a high level of self awareness.  To change and adapt our behaviours we must consciously understand ourselves.

Motivation arises from understanding.

Focus on Everyone

While life is all about me, it is impossible to live without the interactions of others. Their understanding and support is critical, we cannot thrive without it.

Your focus needs to be founded on a base self understanding, it is all about you, however successfully navigating life’s challenges means constantly adapting the way you act to maximize the perception and thus the support of other people.

The world and people that surround us is constantly changing as a results of shifting circumstances, we need to be able to do that as well.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Don’t Worry Be Happy

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Time spent in a state of happy satisfaction is time well spent.   Seeking to feel joy as frequently as possible, maybe continuously, is nothing to be ashamed of.

This approach to life is neither arrogant or self-centered.  After all other people contribute to our joy just as we can be an integral part of theirs. You will still be part of the whole, just happy about it.

Pleasure for All

The key aspect of seeking to be continuously happy that moves it out of the realm of hedonism and selfishness is also believing in happiness for everyone.

Without being able to experience empathy we probably can never be really happy.   Human beings are social by nature, the extent of which can vary from introverted to extroverted behavior but even introverts are social.

Empathy is about sharing the feelings of others, to be effective this practise should be neither about you or about them but rather simply comprehension.

Embrace Joy

Enjoyment is a feeling.  While their are sub-conscious components to feeling interpreting and converting your feelings to joyful moments can be nothing more than a mental exercise.

Being sensitive to both your own and other peoples feelings, understanding what they are and the root cause is simply a tool you can use to to take charge.

Why would you let how you feel be unpleasant?  Everything we experience can be interpreted as contributing to our happiness and there is no good reason not to.

Unhappiness cannot be justified.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Confusion

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When those around you are in a state of being bewilderment or unclear about something the key question is what can be done to resolve the confusion.

The answer begins with the source or root cause.  Most frequently this is related to poor communication often stemming from assumptions and personal bias.

Assumptions

Unconsciously we use things we know to be true as underpinnings of  information we want to share with others.  Unfortunately, just because something that is accepted as well known and true by us, this assumption might not be universal.

This can confuse others because they are not at the same baseline as you.  You may be frustrated at the apparent misunderstanding and not realize it is simple a result of different baselines.

Your unconscious assumptions are often not shared directly, because you don’t believe it needs to be.  This gap is the most common cause of confusion.

A Simple Solution

On the surface it appears confusion could be avoided by sharing everything and confirming everyone is starting from the same information baseline.

The reality is a balance must be struck between sharing for retention and comprehension.  A dump of everything you know has the same effect as holding back, it creates confusion, if not boredom too.

Confusion Free

The key skill associated with reducing or eliminating confusion relates toward regular interval testing.  Provide the background and information objective but test for comprehension every step of the way.

Comprehension test does not mean asking “Did you understand?” but rather questioning on a subject related point that requires understanding to be answered correctly.

Avoid confusion it will make communicating moreenjoyable for everyone.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Don’t Give Up

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Gentle persistence can be a very effective practice when what you seek is just out of reach, carry on and you can succeed.  That is, the practice of firm continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

There is a fine line between persistence and being stubborn or obstinate.   Hence the modifier, gentle persistence.  There can be great value continuing until you succeed or even just until it is clear you will never succeed.

Personal Satisfaction

Whether you achieve what you wanted knowing that you were fully committed  and everything you possibly was done, is worth more than getting the object of your desire.

Self confidence is not founded not on accomplishments themselves but rather the personal  belief you can and will do what is needed.  Simply put you will try and continue to do so until their is no reason to continue.

Not Failure

Having undertaken all possible approaches yet still not reaching the desired objective does not constitute failure.   Failure is always associated with giving up before you are done.

This is not intended to imply it is okay not to attain your goals.  Rather it is not okay to not make every reasonable effort and continue until you succeed.  Perhaps not surprisingly this actually  results in attaining what you seek or close to it most cases.

Feeling Good

Most importantly knowing you did not give up always leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction around a task well done.  After all you did everything you could.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

The New Normal

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The usual or expected whether related to an activity, specific behaviours or standards is perceived to normal.  Although we can be surprised by things this is usually the exception or abnormal.

For the most part we become accustomed and familiar with the routines of our daily lives and expectations around travel, shopping, work etc.  Our expectations of how we do these things are fairly constant and constitute the norm.

Shifting Reality

The norm is not an absolute but if constantly shifting it not a norm.  Shifting norms generally occur gradually over time.  It is unusual for rapid alteration in the “norm” but it can occur.

The reality of how we perceive each other and our life circumstances  will typically need a drastic upheaval for a new normal to arise.

But it does happen, case in point is of course the global pandemic.

Normality Shifts

Our expectations about how we and others should behave do not arise in isolation.  Circumstances are a major driver of our perceptions, and these arise from reality.

Simply put, while we can classify actions or behaviours as normal, based  on our own perception, the determination of what constitutes normal can very much  arise from external forces outside our control.

Accept and Thrive

Adoption to the new norm is critical to our own survival.  Recognizing the need to adapt to changing circumstance is a key behaviour of all living things.

The alternative to adapting to the new norm is typically extinction.  And so as time passes the majority adapts to the needs of the external drivers and ultimately these behaviours become the new norm.