Tag Archives: self awareness

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Making Mistakes

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Life is full of mistakes.  When you make a decision and/or take an action that turns out to be wrong, it is a mistake.  Everyones makes mistakes.

Life without mistakes is highly improbable, but also would be awfully boring.  Making mistakes is not a goal but not making them shouldn’t be an objective either.

Embracing Mistakes

Mistakes can have negative consequences.  They can also uncover paths to success or provide valuable experiences that can be used to avoid even greater mistakes.

It can be exhilarating to attempt to scale the mountain, especially when you succeed.  Fear of making a mistake and perhaps not even trying could be as costly as the mistake itself.

Balance

A common theme in so many of my posts is finding the optimal balances between opposites.  In this case, the balance is effectively between caution (to mitigate the risk of a mistake) and boldness( to go where no man has gone before)

Too much caution and places where no one has ever been will remain unexplored.  On the other hand too little caution when bursting into the unknown may have dire consquences, even death.

Recovering from Mistakes

The most important part of any discussion of mistakes is how to behave when they occur.  First and foremost, always acknowledge the mistake and acquiesce to your complicity in it.

This is critical because a defensive posture envaribly magnifies the mistakes.  With acceptance, it is much easier to move to the next step – resolution.

Following acceptance, analyze the impacts and consequences of the mistake  and plan a course of behaviour that results in maximum mitigation.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Communication Maturity

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The maturity theme continues.

Todays focus is on humans most critical skill.  Whether living your life to the fullest, striving to be best or just seeking basic satisfaction, communication underlies everything you do.

Communication is simply the providing or recieving of information.  There are a multitude of ways to exchange information (i.e., communicate).  My blog, of course, is an outstanding example of this.

Of course once sent or recieved the information must be processed, always the tricky part.  Whether in an  individual or organizational context, the processing (which includes filtering) is most impacted by both parties maturity levels.

What is Communication Maturity.

One person tells a story to another.  They understand the information they have shared and check with the reciever “Got that”, “Yup” is the affirmative response.

Oh if it were really so simple.  In this example the receiver certainly got information, that was confirmed, but was it what the sender intended.?  Who knows?

Interpretation of information can be influenced by your personal filters, bias and most of all experience.  Maturity is all about experience and when applied as objectively as possible to information exchanges it can increase the likelihood of consensus understanding.

Consensus does not mean agreement rather common understanding.  For mature dialogue that is the goal.  A key attribute of successful  exchanges is understanding not agreement. This is the ultimate goal.

It is far more important that all parties view the base information the same way even if they don’t agree.  Without exception this leads to better outcomes.

Developing conversational maturity takes time (you need experience afterall) but it also take focus and effort. Experience is of little value if not applied.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

I am right

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Occassionally I have participated in discussions where assumptions are presented as facts.  Even worse, those assumptions can frequently take the form of an attack.

For example, “you are not listening to me”.  In fact these statements typically represent a subjective opinion , albeit presented with factual authority.

These are the worst kind of conversation.  Rarely do they achieve anything beyond creating animosity and bad will.  Which leads to the questions like why does this happen?

Seeking Something

Logic dictates conversations, discussions and meetings have purpose.  Whether it just be a cheerful discourse to make you feel good, exchange of information, plotting actions or a myriad of other things, ultimately there is a reason.

Animosity and bad will are probably seldom the goal.  Why would anyone initiate and sustain a discussion that could lead to  sadness or disappointment.  What is the point?

Feeding the Ego

Everyone is important.  Sometimes people get the feeling you don’t understand their importance.  This is one of the triggers of these difficult conversations.

The fictional Vulcan race from the Star Trek franchise are founded in logic.  By removing emotion from the equation, like the Vulcans do,  the type of discourse I have described here does not occur.

That is, assumption based attack focused conversations require strong emotions to be present.  With emotions removed from the equation,  solely reacting logically rather than how you feel (or a combination thereof) eliminates the possibility of a bad conversational experience.

In these cases the focus is on the outcome.  The objective is far more likely to be attained.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Figuring it out

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When making a decision we use information to figure out how to proceed.  The information is basically interpreted through one or both of two lenses.  Those perspectives are commonly classified as objective and subjective.

Objective Analysis

Taken as an adjective, as in objective analysis or objective perspective, the term refers to an interpretation of information in a way that is not influenced by personal feelings or opinions.

When considering and representing facts objectively your behaviour is described by others as impartial, unbiased, unprejudiced, nonpartisan, disinterested, neutral, uninvolved, even-handed, equitable, fair, fair-minded, just, open-minded, dispassionate, detached or neutral.

To do this, the information must not only be interpreted objectively but the sources must be objective as well.  Truly objective data cannot be tortured into saying anything.

Subjective Analysis

Again considered as an adjective, subjective analysis is
based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.  In essence the opposite of the objective view.

When considering and representing the facts subjectively your behaiour can be described as personal opinions, individually based, emotionally driven and perhaps  instinctive or intuitive.

Back to Balance

A theme that runs through many of my posts surrounds the benefits derived from balanced behaviour.  Using both objective and subjective perspectives in balance is a great example of this practice (balancing opposites).

This can also be described as the Art and Science of decision making.  Founding a decision purley on logic can result in the bi-passing of moral and emotional well being .

Purely emotional views can lead to high risk and even result in the goal not being reached.  Keep in mind, the next time you are making a decision both objective and subjective perspectives add value.

Recognize when you are using each and maintain an equitable balance, this will most likely lead to figuring out the way to consistently good decisions?

 

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Checks and Balances

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The law of supply and demand can act as a key behaviour control.  Action and reaction can also serve this purpose.  These two practices can be used as tools to effect change.

It’s So Unfair

I had a conversation the other day about people being mistreated.  Things like unrealistic job performance demands, little sympathy for hardship, or taking a hard line on working hours or working conditions.

Clearly wrong or harsh behaviour cannot always be corrected or resolved through a reaction or by managing supply or demand.  However, these approaches can influence change and do provide the opportunity to drive outcomes.

Whether successful or not, at least you tried.  Taking action is far more likely to achieve a result than just hoping the “luck of the Irish will prevail”.  That is, if you take no action you should expect no result.

(Side note, luck of the Irish refers to winning or succeeding at something for no apparent reason.  Like finding gold when others cannot or winning at gambling).

For Example

An obvious example of using the law of supply and demand to affect behaviour change is trade sanctions (limiting supply). In this case one group of countries might apply a trade blockade to another country to influence them to change their behaviour (e.g., stop developing nuclear arms)

At a more granular level, if an employer cuts your wage, you could just accept it but alternately you could refuse to accept the insult and provide supporting evidence of your value, (measurable evidence) and outline the impacts of losing you as a valuable resource versus some short term monetary savings.  The ability to react and how you react is up to you.

Give it a try

Next time you see unjust behaviour, try to effect a change.  What can you lose, beyond the time and effort to try.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Adversarial Conduct

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Adversarial discussions are characterized by conflict or opposition and lurking  beneath the covers, probably some hostility.  Too often, these conversations stem from assumptions of intention.

It may start with some innocent questions for clarification.  The other stakeholder assumes you are against what they are trying to achieve and the adversarial dance begins.

Sadly!

A simple misinterpretation of intentions can derail a potential productive interaction which should have gold at the end of the rainbow.  Even clarifying intentions often won’t put it back on track.

Sadly this type of behavior occurs regularly in most organizations.  It is of course exacerbated by cultural bias, but it is not unusual to see the dance occur, regardless of culture.

To my amusement, often I observe  those who are actually in violent agreement (based on what they are saying) but appear to be just the opposite (i.e., violent disagreement).

Just Listen

The root cause of this type of adversarial discussions lies with  misunderstood intentions.  These stem from listening skills.  That is not just hearing the words but rather the message.

For me as I watch the head butting, or even when I am the object of head butting it never ceases to amaze how agreement is manipulated into disagreement.

Don’t Get Hooked

The way out of these situations is to ensure you are not “hooked” by the others.  That is often the intention of the other party.  They believe if they can just get the hook firmly embedded in your throat they can hall you in.

Unfortunately the result is usually dissatisfaction to all which is of course really unfortunate since the whole situation was actually on the brink of a great collaboration.

Ah, to behave like a human – we are just animals after all.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Leaving your comfort zone

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Routine activities can provide you with a feeling of comfort.  By definition these are things you do regularly.  Overtime they become intuitive, there is little unknown and risk , doubt, stress levels are low.

Routine things are part of your comfort zone.  Knowledge, experience, and  skill levels are all high when you are in the zone. So why leave there?

Challenge Yourself

At the risk of being trite, life is meant to be lived to it fullest.  Staying in your comfort zone does not typically reflect living to the fullest. That is experiencing new things, embracing challenges and figuring it out.

Stay Balanced

This is not to suggest moving to an extreme behaviour and living on the edge.  There is the need for a balance between living in relative safety and stretching the envelope.

This balance is very personal and attached to you as a person.  For each of us, the amount of time spent in your comfort zone versus that spent bursting out of it  works best when it is the right mix that conforms to our personalities, value system and so on.

For Example

You may have worked for others as an employee for a long time, this is your comfort zone in the employment space.  You decide to change to self employed or become entrepreneurial and strike out on your own.

A balanced approach to this change could involve taking a part time job initially doing something you know well and are familiar to balance against the unfamiliar activities you are trying out.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Am I as good as I think I am?

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Asking if you are as good as you think you are, is not necessarily questioning your level of self-confidence, rather it could be philosophical (what is good, who am I, etc) or it could be part of a continuous self  awareness check.

Switch it Around

Am I only as good as other people think I am?  Of course this begs the question “What do other people think of me?”  That question can be hard to answer truly objectively.

I have been fortunate enough to have past employers pay for a confidential survey of myself, colleagues, subordinates and supervisors, on several occasions.

This feedback is fabulous for capturing what you think of your own interpersonal behaviour skills and what others think.  It is anonymous, so theoretically the input should be objective.

The results could reinforce what you think (e.g., I work well with others and they agree) or could be the opposite (e.g., others don’t think I work well with them).

Of course this kind of deedback can go beyond whether you work well with others but can include how confident you are percieved to be, honesty, ability to motivate and so on.

If you can organize it, I strongly recommend these feedback tools as a great way to find out how what you think about yourself maps to what others think.

Could someone else do better?

When you move on from a situation, role or assignment it is always interesting to consider if your sucessor did better than you?  That is , am I so good there is no one better.

It is probably comforting to believe this may be true, but don’t forget the old saying “Anyone can be replaced”.  It might be truer than you think.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

What state are you in?

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Regardless of what you do every day (e.g., work for money, pleasure, charity, retired etc) you can classify how you feel about the surrounding culture/ environment into one or more of four categories.

Each category defines your behaviour and motivates your actions. These are:

  1. unsatisfying/ does not meet your needs
  2. a good match that inspires you
  3. not perfect for you but presents an opportunity to influence change
  4. not to your liking but you accept it

Recognizing your environmental category is an important skill (self awareness) .  It helps you conciously act on the unconcious behavior drivers associated with the culture you are emeshed in.

Self awareness is an empowering skill that allows you to ensure your behaviour is appropriate to the circumstances.  That is, control how you act separate from how you feel, to ensure positive outcomes.

Unsatisfying

Typically you would be motivated to leave this environment as soon as feasible.  This is not usually a happy place for you.  Don’t let your feelings drive bad (inappropriate ) behaviour.

Good Match

Embrace the environment.  That is, embrace how things are and thrive.  Should not be hard.  In this case, you are fully comfortable with the culture.

Not Perfect

There is a real opportunity here to create an environment you would consider a good match and it’s worth trying to do so.  Impact and influence behaviours are key.  Have fun with it.

Not to your liking

This situation is the hardest to take and can morph into deciding to leave.  Normally there is some real motivation to stay (e.g., need the money and cannot readily find a replacement).  Usually you feel trapped, unhappy and stressed.  This is a category you want to move away from as quickly as possible.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Criticism

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I am not a appreciative of the expression of disapproval by someone  based on my perceived faults or mistakes (i.e., criticism).  After all, I can figure out and correct my own faults and mistakes.

The well known basketball player Lebron James said “I like criticism, it makes you strong.”. Really, how so?  For me, criticism makes me angry, not strong and I don’t like it.

The Value Equation

What gives more value, identifying, understanding and self correcting your own faults or being made to feel inadequate by some one else for whom your faults probably provide enjoyment.

Self awareness is a much more powerful tool.  Effective and sustainable change first requires personal accountability, that is acceptance of the need to change.

Think of an addict.  It is well known the first step to recovery is accepting the fact recovery is needed.  Telling the addict they are an addict (a form of criticism) seldom works.

Constructive Criticism

To be fair, maybe Lebron is thinking of constructive criticism.  What a croc.  This is the classic case of abusing the English language to make something bad sound good.

Just the fact that someone felt the need to invent the term to sugar coat the value of criticism is proof enough to me that in and of itself, regardless of the kind, criticism is a bad thing and really most people don’t get stronger, they just dislike you.

To Lebron, I say, stick to basketball.  When you next run into me, remember, I see no value in criticism so do me a favour and keep it to yourself.