Tag Archives: self awareness

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Enjoying every moment

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From birth, we have been given  a great opportunity to seek personal pleasure, happiness and joy.  Whether we do or not is a personal choice.

Emotions like anger, frustration, anxiety and others like them don’t fit into the pleasure category for me.  Yet they exist, and although my goal is pleasure I sometimes cannot stop myself from feeling these unpleasant emotions.

Emotional Management

Meditation, quiet reflection or solitary comptemplation are just some of the techniques I have observed others using,and have used myself, to comtrol manage and even eliminate these negative emotions.

I have found though that the most powerful practice is self awareness.  That is interpreting how you are feeling, diagnosing why you feel that way, determine if it acceptable or appropriate and accept or alter the feeling based on this analysis.

At peak operation this self awareness operation is all completed “in the moment”.  A highly skilled practitioner of self awareness rarely gets hooked by external factors and behaves for their own pleaasure (as long as it does not impede on that of others).

Developing the skill

Self awareness is a consciously practised learned behaviour.  You are not born with this skill (i.e., not an inherited trait) but rather must teach yourself the practice.

Like so many skills, you start at the bottom range and through experience and practice you mature your capabilities.  The pre-requisite is only recognition this skill exists, is of value and is key to you maximizing your personal pleasure.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Exploring self awarness

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In the context of a leadership or personal power skill (i.e., earned power) self awareness is not just conscious knowledge of ones own character, feeling and desire.

More importantly is using this knowledge coupled with the feedback  cues from those you are interacting with to achieve the best result.  This results in good feeling s all around about the interaction.

In brief,  the more critical aspect of this skill is not the awareness about your own motivations, feelings and reactions, rather the impact these are having and how you use it for everyones benefit.

Awareness enables you to leverage this knowledge about yourself in real time to make every encounter positive and memorable for the others.  It is also the more effective approach to becoming the catalyst for the desired reaction.

Enabling others to do things they did not know they could

Your earned power is very dependent on using your self awareness effectively.  This is a critical skill in your behavioural toolbag to attain and maintain respect.

By optimizing your interraction with others it becomes more likely they will exercise their own leader within.

In a team environment the use of self awareness broadly by all team members simply feeds on itself creating a harmonious and hugely effective group. You can set the example to get this going.

This is leadership not from the front, but rather from within. The actions of the catalyst in the mix prompt the self awareness practice   to commence universally and ultimately it feeds on itself.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Shakespear Beacon

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A collegue who has a bit of a theatrical background recently wrote the following ditti on the white board by my desk.

“To be or not to be
That is the question
Whether it is responsibility or accountability
Dig Deep and take a look inside
It’s all about you.”

I am pretty sure it was a tongue in cheek comment about my oft expressed views on personal accountability.  Although there may have been some sarcasm intended, the sentiments resonated with me.

Dig deep and look inside

So often we blame circumstances for our behaviour.  For example, one of my favorites ” You made me angry so it is not my fault I yelled at you and we argued”

In fact it was your choice.  Anger is an emotion, yelling is a behaviour.   One can influence the other but in the end your behavior can only be decided by you.

Take Control

Never having regrets about how you behave could be a personal value, objective or life style choice.  Whatever context you frame it within, the idea is very powerful.

It is easily measured.  When you have a regret about the way you acted or if you apoligize for your behaviour – count it as a fail.  Keep track.  Frequent misses probably mean you want to change something in how you handle yourself.

Conversly long strings of success, that is no regrets, not only feels good but it raises your esteem in the eyes of others.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

The price of pride

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Pride is one of those inwardly directed emotions I have always wondered about the value of.

Why does it exist?

In general emotions drive behavior.  Fear and a commonly associated classic behavioral reaction “flight or fight” is an example of this.

Emotions and their built in behaviors are part of our evolutionary development, that is they are hereditary more than learned.

If we assume that emotions exist for a purpose (e.g., fear to initiate appropriate reaction in dangerous situations);  than what is the value behind the secondary emotion of pride ((secondary in that it requires a sense of self and an understanding of conceptual distinctions)?

Why Pride?

I believe there are two main expressions of pride.

Firstly, and usually the most apparent, is the expression of inflated of self worth and personal status.   This can be directly communicated or be indicated through the way you behave. This is usually perceived negatively by others and is not really effective in collaborative or team environments.

Alternately when internalized and used to create self satisfaction toward one’s own or others choices and actions the resulting behavior is usually positive and can be leveraged as a foundation for success both individual or group.

In the latter case, pride can have positive results but this requires self awareness to ensure the emotional drivers are channeled into both effective and appropriate behavior.

Conclusion

Pride, like the other suite of emotions (primary and secondary) does serve a purpose but like all emotions needs to be managed carefully to ensure that it is channeled into the most useful actions.

A simple example of channeling emotion to action is the emotion of  fear and the basic flight or fight reaction.  The emotion can trigger the urgent need for a response but cannot guide that response.

The message here is to check in with yourself before reacting to an emotional driver leading to a prideful response to be sure the resulting behavior is best for both you and others (we are social animals after all).

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Whats your brand and why do you care

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Personal coaches and consultants have been touting the importance of maintaining a strong positive personal brand for years.  What is it and why should you care about it!

Brand is quite simple, it’s a word, image or title that is immediately identified with a series of attributes.  Basically those attributes become the identity associated with the word, image or title.

For example:

  • MacDonald’s – fast, cheap, efficient, tasty (arguable I guess) honest, clean, standardized, etc.

My desired brand web identity might be something like:

  • Kerrzone – smart, witty, interesting, clear, accurate.

Personal brand identity is basically just a brand that is associated with your name.  Like all brands, it is hard to build, easy to destroy and potentially of great value to you (if it is positive and you leverage it effectively).

What do you own that is used more by everyone else than by yourself? – your name.   Others might use it, but as the owner you really care how they use it (or you should).  Do people view your brand positively or (probably outside your hearing) are they saying – sleazy, lazy, obstinate, stubborn, obtuse and so on.

SELF AWARENESS

The foundation for a strong personal brand starts with self awareness.  In a corporations case they use tools like social media, surveys, focus groups and marketing studies to determine what people think of them.  Individuals don’t usually have access to nor a desire to use these kinds of tools and so need to rely on self-awareness to assess (and react to) what others think of them.  Self awareness lets you uncover your identity and decide if you want to change it.

If you are aware that others view you as sleazy, lazy, obstinate, stubborn and obtuse and you are good with that, there is nothing to do.  Self awareness is about managing your image proactively not by default or re actively.

In essence the way you behave is what determines how others view you and overtime this creates your personal brand.  This brand is not something to be squandered.   Think about how important it is for you to manage your brand, whether in a business or personal context you are far more likely to achieve your goals when others view you positively.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

It’s All About Me!

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From childhood we are all indoctrinated into the cultural group-think of our local civilizations.  We are just part of a whole.  Life is bigger than just us.  Co-operation, collaboration, community behavior respecting others are a key part of all cultures and generally embedded into our upbringing.  This is pretty consistent regardless of what geographic location you grew up in.

I have also read a number of books and articles by behavior psychologists that this community behavior and focus on the value of social groupings is even stronger in females then males.

I wonder though, should it not really be “all about me”.    Respect for others needs is not excluded from this principle.  It does, however; focus on a basic reality of life, we are all individuals.   We all have ego’s and they should not only be respected by others but most importantly by ourselves.

What about me?

I was always partial to to this album track by Quicksilver Messenger Services, a sixties psychedelic rock band with strong ties to the drug culture of the time.   Take a listen.

The song is clearly reflective of North American (perhaps world wide) basic cultural changes that were occurring in the mid to late 1960’s.    The message focuses on the changes in the younger generations thinking and their desire to change culture as they seek to get out from under the thumb of “the man”.   Although the question is posed as “What about me?” the song could be interpreted as “All about me!”

Is that selfish, vain, proud, egotistical, self-centered,  self-serving, self- obsessed; the list goes on and on.  So many words with a negative connotation to describe what is generally very natural and needed behavior, in fact it is not only natural but truly beneficial.  That is to say self-worth is a key underpinning to how successful you are in the journey we call life.

Honestly, should you not most comfortable with your own self.

Clarification and Disclaimer

This post is not a demonstration that I am an uncharitable, opportunistic mercenary. (wow there really are a lot of ways to describe this behavior – none flattering either).

In fact respecting and practicing the basic self intuitive behaviors that support a thriving and effective social environment are not exclusive from being self aware and believing in (and promoting) your own greatness.

Remember being comfortable in ones own skin is far more feasible than being comfortable in the skin of someone else.