Tag Archives: sharing

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Tell me

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Sharing information could result in a loss of control.   This principle is intuitive and is a key underlying factor in shaping our behavior when it comes to telling others stuff.

The catchphrase “Information is power” refers to using it as a lever to enable increase our capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events (i.e., exercise power).

Associating the loss of control with a lessening of personal power is a reason information is often not shared.

Overcoming the Loss of Control

While it can often open opportunities for collaboration leading to better results, given the impacts on both our control and power base it is more likely to hold back providing others information freely.

Strategic dissemination of information is often viewed as the best approach largely because of fear.  That is fear of loss of control.  In reality, giving up this control and frequently lead to better results.

The power of diversity comes into play when we leverage ideas and support of others.  Harnessing different thinking can be a great way to resolve the issue or come up with innovative approaches.

Share and Get Rewarded

Although our instinctual behaviour is to be cautious when sharing our personal information the downside is missing on the potential rewards by sharing freely.

Taking advantage of others resolves the dangers of the unknown things that you don’t know but others do.  Share with others and they will tell you what they know.

The advantage gained by sharing usually far exceeds the cost of giving up some control.

 

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Teaching to Learn

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Showing others how to do something by demonstrating or explaining how to do it (teaching) is intended to enable them to gain or acquire knowledge (learning).

Surprisingly though, teaching is not just a way to help others learn but the very act of teaching others can create a valuable learning opportunity for ourselves.

Those that do not learn from the teaching experience probably are not the best teachers.  When teaching is just a one-way communication it becomes more rote learning then the acquisition of knowledge.

Embrace the Learners

Teaching others is best when not treated as a hierarchy, that is phrases like  “I know stuff you don’t”, “I am the expert”, “Treat me with respect” all tend to put the teacher on a usually unjustified pedestal and close the learning experience.

Learning is a two-way street.  Just as we expect the students to embrace the experience and gather information (learn) we ourselves should embrace the student and learn from them.

Our own learnings can range from interpersonal relationship skills to innovative ways to view the knowledge we are sharing.  Leveraging the intellectual property of others opens many new realms of possibility.

Outside the Box

The traditional relationship between teacher and student is strictly role-based and restricts our ability to grow the knowledge base collaboratively.

Everyone is important and everyone has great value to add to the body of knowledge that is human life.  Embrace your opportunity to both teach and learn simultaneously.

To do otherwise is a lost opportunity.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Information and Power

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Our culture supports the concept that information can be used to influence and manipulate.  The more secret information you know the greater your stature.

It is possible to influence others behaviors by letting them know you have the information they don’t.   Knowing things others don’t (and making sure they know that) can enhance your power over them.

A Serious Business

Our society values secrets to the extent that sharing them can lead to deadly consequences.  Consider the common joke, “I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you”.

Apparently, information sharing is a serious business.  Sharing information without permission or receiving the info you are not supposed to have can be deadly.

As I noted though, there is a real cultural aspect to secret information.  Our culture values parceling and containment of data.  We believe there is a need for secret information, so it exists.

We believe controlling access to information is important, the information in the wrong hands can be dangerous.   Trust, sharing, openness is valued but only under certain circumstances.

Unsubstantiated

My own personal experience has been the power to influence and impact is far greater through the practice of clear, frank and open sharing.

While I see many who believe having secrets gives them power and enhances there ability to lead others, it has been my experience this produces neither quality or sustainable outcomes.

Building your power base by keeping others in the dark and feeding them shit could work if people were mushrooms.

This approach can make you feel like a commanding presence and it probably does work that way to some extent, however, sharing (both ways) is almost always the better way.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Share the Weight

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Living without some accountabilities is not possible.  At a minimum, you are responsible for your own health and happiness.  Allowing these accountabilities to become a burden should be avoided.

The population of the earth is in the neighborhood of 7.7 billion people so the opportunity for sharing your personal burdens is very high.

Sharing

One way to ensuring your responsibilities are executed in a timely and high-quality way can be to participate,  or enjoy jointly with another or others.

The value of sharing is not always apparent and on occasion, we feel strongly about our personal accountabilities.   Other circumstances seem ideal for sharing but this tends to be a learned behavior (from childhood).

In later years sharing can be a way to ease the burden of our daily lives.   We can help others and they can help us.  In this way, stresses can be reduced and happiness increased.

Misanthrop

Two relatively common English words are from the greek “anthrop” meaning other people.  Through philanthropy, we can regularly demonstrate our love of others will a misanthrope not so much.

Whether philanthropy is your thing or you are more misanthropic sharing with others can be beneficial and is a great way to overcome personal difficulties.

You do not need to play well with others (a misanthrope typically does not) to realize the gains of interacting with others.  The act of sharing reduces your personal accountability and so the associated stress.

At the risk of being a tad cynical, it is important to remember sharing is a two-way street and while your main goal may be to benefit yourself, in doing so you could accidentally help others.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Mentoring

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Mentoring describes the relationship between a more experienced/knowledgable person focused on imparting guidance to a less experienced/ knowledgable individual.

The mentor/ mentee relationship is two way with both parties satisfying a need. One to share experience and the other to gain. Ultimately both recieve value.

Not Mandated

Prescribed mentoring is usually doomed to failure. That is, the process really only works when desired and embraced by both people, a forced relationship really just does not work.

 

In the past I have been asked by a third party to mentor individuals they viewed as having high potential but lacking experience. My response has always been, this is not a request that is yours to make. They need to ask me directly.

My own experience has shown arranged mentoring has little chance of success.

In a similar vein, I would argue leaders/ managers have an accountability to create an environment for followers/ subordinates to develop and thrive but this practive is quite different from a mentoring relationship.

Two Way Strret

Effective mentoring involes a bond of respective from both participantsand is not heirarchical in nature but rather an exchange between equals. This is a key distinction.

It is critical for both persons to learn and improve, the key to mentoring is not treating it as a master/ student relationship. This is what amkes it a powerfully effective process for developing enhanced skills and capabilities.

Mentoring is mutual, everyone gain, is not authority or power based in any way. For these reasons it is a great approach is you but not simple to arrange, participate and create a good relationship.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Giving Advice/Sharing Information Part 2

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Yesterday I posted about the importance of crafting your message for receptivity.  When passing information to someone else shaping it as advice or even coaching might be simple and direct but ineffective.

My recommended technique is the two way approach (so called sharing or sometimes collaborating), that is a partnership  where both sides have content that is important, even if not aligned.  It is gaining the alignment that is your goal, i.e, the intent of your message is more likely to be received.

Whats the point

When you want to tell someone something the goal is always mutual understanding.  Both you and the recipient are successful when both   have a common understanding.

This not necessarily agreement or committment to act, but common understanding is foundational to resolving differences.  Without agreement to the facts the interpretation of outcomes is unlikely to match.

Bad Signs

Feedback from the person you are sharing with, which includes comments like; “Thats not my problem” or “I don’t have any issues” , probably is a good indicator you have failed the receptivity test.

Don’t give up at this point, also don’t get hooked emotionally.  The other parties disinterest may engender upset on your part, this won’t help.  Remain calm and soldier on.

Take Accountability

When you commence your information share, take personal accountabilty.  If you are not able to obtain receptivity consider it your accountability to overcome the challenge.

It is not the other parties lack of interest at fault but rather your issue that you were unable to get their interest.  You can fix it but to do this you must believe you are accountable to do so.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Giving Advice/Sharing Information

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How you share information with others is the most important factor governing how it is received.  The targets receptivity can be adjusted by the way the message is delivered.

As the information is passed, the recipients emotional reaction kicks in immediately.  This reaction sets the tone for the entire information exchange.

Sharing information with someone, that is about them is certain to get a reaction.  Many classify these as difficult conversations.  This is because most people are upset when others tell them what they think about them.

Surprisingly this negative reaction can apply for both compliments and criticisms.  As a rule people do not like to be given guidance or recommendations about themselves.

Partly the reason for this is the implied knowledgable or authoritative posture associated with the information provider.  This can even lead to situations where we just want to “shoot the messenger”.  We feel attacked a d want to strike back.

Ways to Share

There are two common terms we use for the practice of sharing suggestions for action, improvement or just awareness,  with others. Although the activity is basically the same, the way it is positioned can really affect the information shares effectiveness.

  • Advice – although not everyone owns up to it, people hate getting advice.  One of the quickest ways to shut down receptivity when you have an idea, recommedations or action request of someone , is to call it advice.  Most people immediately steel themselves to thinking they are about to get something they don’t really want.
  • Sharing – this implies a two way exchange is a much more palatible classification.  The positioning here is more about an open exchange and less about an authoritative or knowledgeable person telling another what to do.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Telling Your Story

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Taking on an organizational leadership role means your prime accountability is motivating a group of people to act toward achieving a common goal.

There are many behavioural approaches to achieving this goal.  Sucessful leaders adopt the approaches that work best for them.  This enables them to leverage behaviours which they are most comfortable with and probably best at practicing.

Nature and Nurture

There is a plethoria of studies on foundational leadership behaviour and analysis on how to best employ them.  Things like, communication, empathy, self awareness, confidence and so on.

The research continues on how much of the basic skill can be learned (nurture) and how much you are born with (nature).  There is no consensus yet but most research indicates there is some balance between natural abilty and learning.

Gaining Power

Typically, when appointed, the leader is granted power comensurate with their organizational level.  Their ultimate success will depend on the combination of granted power coupled with the power they earn following the appointment.

Earned power comes from the quality of exercise of leadership behaviours.  A key first step is getting to know your group and perhaps more importantly them getting to know you.

This leads to everyone becoming comfortable  on a personal level.  Beginning with this collegial approach begins the building of trust and respect which are the foundation of earned power.

Simply put, before embarking on the communication of strategy and objectives, specific plans and approaches, build a foundation that will support  ollaboration.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Sharing Imformation

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Who do I tell and what I tell them?  These are questions people are constantly asking themselves, whether conciously or unconsciously. This is a filtering process.

These questions are not intended to imply that we will share all the information we have but rather that we will determine if we can or should share some or none (The answer to the first question could be no one.)

If you are going to share something, what you will share comes into play.  Underlying this filtering process is motivation for sharing.  This influences the what and even how.

What’s the Purpose

All communication or lack thereof has a purpose.  There are four basic categories into which information sharing falls.  These are:

  • unburdening (lessen your guilt)
  • personal gain  ( this includes a wide variety of motivations from monetary to self worth)
  • altruistic (for the benefit of others)
  • malicious (to attack or harm others, could be coupled with gain on your part)

Withholding information can be as effective as sharing and during the filtering – whom do I tell and what – the decsion to not tell could be because that appears to be the best way to achieve the underlying objective.

In a flash

The really scary part is the filtering process often happens without a great deal of concious thought or examination of pro’s and con’s.  For most, it is just managed intuitively.

A thought pops in your head, is mulled briefly and then shared or not.  During that brief interval the reasons to communicate or hold back and what to say and how to position it are determined.

Often this leads to misunderstanding, frustration and conflict.  What we say, to whom and how we contextualize the information is so critical and important to get it right, yet alas, we spend so little time figuring it out.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Only speak when illuminated

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I travel up to my office using the same elevator bank every day.  This morning a sign in the elevator caught my attention.  “Speak when illuminated”

The reference was to the elevator call box.  It is a one way system and the light indicates when your mic is live.  Still, the instruction  got me thinking philosophically.

Illuminate

One definition of illuminate is to enlighten, as with knowledge.  Or to throw light on a subject. So adding “only” to the phrase creates a thought provoker.

“Only, speak when illuminated”  This could be interpreted as an instruction to hold your counsel unless you had some item of knowledge or clarity to share.

Wisdom in timing

Usually the prime objective of sharing information with others is to create the opportunity for development of knowledge.  A key to achieving this goal is the others receptivity so timing is really important.

Although the syntax of the phrase is not exactly right, the sentiment is.  That is, don’t try to illuminate others till you are ready yourself. When the context for sharing is properly staged, receptivity is more likely.

When you are clear, that is fully illuminated yourself, the time to talk has arrived, but not before.  Most importantly, when you are clear yourself the time to enlighten others has arrived.

If you are not ready, the chances of sharing your personal enlightenment are not good.

So by happenstance, I came across and interesting thought, “Only speak when illuminated”