Tag Archives: helping others

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Being Helpful

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Ever noticed how children, as a general rule, want to help.  This is a basic behavior genetically coded into our natures.  Many studies of early child development have proven this to be the case.

It is natural for humans to want to be part of a group (a social animal) and as young children, it is very natural for us to seek approval from others through offering to help them.

Environmental Impacts

Unfortunately, with time we learn to be more focused on ourselves and less so others.    Our young childhood learning experiences teach us being helpful is not optimal behavior.

Surprisingly, our parents are a key catalyst to this process of learning not to help.  Most often parents, even teachers, and others that interact with us as children don’t have the patience to let us help.

We are taught to think and learn for ourselves but our offers to assist others, (i.e, being helpful) are often disregarded.  It is just easier for the adult to do it themselves.

Unintentional

Teaching children to fend for themselves and rejecting their natural tendencies toward being helpful is not planned nor even recognized by most of us.

It is a natural behavior for us to focus on the easiest way to accomplish a task and often that is by just doing it ourselves (we are more likely to get the results we seek with least effort).

Letting someone help you accomplish a task actually takes a fair amount of energy (to say nothing of the patience required).  And so,  sadly, as children grow older they learn to suppress their natural tendencies to be helpful.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Making a Difference

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Everyone has the opportunity to be important in some way.  We can make a positive difference both in the way we view ourselves, others view us, and most importantly the way others view themselves.

I don’t mean this in a truly altruistic way because every human has a genetic leaning toward life being all about them.  Being the catalyst for positive and healthy change is good for everyone.  I view making a difference for others as not a totally unselfish act.

Volunteering

In a recent post, I highlighted the alternate perspectives in which work can be viewed.  That is, either an activity to earn a livelihood or just using your strength and facilities to do something.

Volunteering is work but not specifically undertaken to earn a livelihood but rather to improve the common good of all.  This probably categorizes it into leisure time or time-off when compared against working for a livelihood.

The focus of leisure time is for pleasure, we choose to do it, ergo volunteering can give us pleasure.

For Example

I recently joined the board of Camp Quality  Canada as a volunteer director.  I had been open to joining a non-profit board as a volunteer since the early 1990s but personal motivation and opportunity never matched up until recently.

The organization’s focus is on providing uplifting experiences for children with cancer and blood disorders, largely through summer camps.

Due to the pandemic, the camps have been held virtually this summer.   I had the opportunity last week to attend a virtual cabin session.  I was blown away.

The volunteer counselors’ dedication and desire to make a difference was crystal clear.   And they succeeded in spades.   The whole experience reinforced for me the huge value of working to make a change  for the better.

The benefits are clear, everyone wins.  The campers, counsellor’s and myself all had an uplifting experience and felt good about it.

 

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Your Problem

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When your leaders approach is to tell you to bring them solutions, not problems, I question their value.  Should we not expect our leaders to support us.

When someone assumes I am bringing them a problem or issue that I could solve myself it makes me wonder what I did wrong.  My personal philosophy is don’t waste time bringing your problems to others, resolve them and carry on.

When reality intrudes, and I cannot solve it myself then I go for help.  At this point when those I seek assistance from are telling me to show up with a solution, I get a bit frustrated.

Awareness

It makes sense to encourage others to be accountable.  As a leader, mentor or just a friend encouraging responsibility in others is a noble pursuit.

However, blindly assuming those you collaborate with have not thought it through can be more harmful then good.  If you are seeking to change behaviour there must be a good foundation to do so or you are likely to fail.

Taking a blanket position to encourage others to think and act for themselves, that is empower them requires more thought and effort than simply demanding they come to you with a solution.

Understanding

Before saddling someone with a problem make sure that is an appropriate step.  Get the background.  It may well turn out they have thought it through  completely and the decision to seek help is a good one.

Before discounting an approach for help check it out, maybe your assistance is really needed.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Share the Weight

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Living without some accountabilities is not possible.  At a minimum, you are responsible for your own health and happiness.  Allowing these accountabilities to become a burden should be avoided.

The population of the earth is in the neighborhood of 7.7 billion people so the opportunity for sharing your personal burdens is very high.

Sharing

One way to ensuring your responsibilities are executed in a timely and high-quality way can be to participate,  or enjoy jointly with another or others.

The value of sharing is not always apparent and on occasion, we feel strongly about our personal accountabilities.   Other circumstances seem ideal for sharing but this tends to be a learned behavior (from childhood).

In later years sharing can be a way to ease the burden of our daily lives.   We can help others and they can help us.  In this way, stresses can be reduced and happiness increased.

Misanthrop

Two relatively common English words are from the greek “anthrop” meaning other people.  Through philanthropy, we can regularly demonstrate our love of others will a misanthrope not so much.

Whether philanthropy is your thing or you are more misanthropic sharing with others can be beneficial and is a great way to overcome personal difficulties.

You do not need to play well with others (a misanthrope typically does not) to realize the gains of interacting with others.  The act of sharing reduces your personal accountability and so the associated stress.

At the risk of being a tad cynical, it is important to remember sharing is a two-way street and while your main goal may be to benefit yourself, in doing so you could accidentally help others.