Who do I tell and what I tell them?  These are questions people are constantly asking themselves, whether conciously or unconsciously. This is a filtering process.

These questions are not intended to imply that we will share all the information we have but rather that we will determine if we can or should share some or none (The answer to the first question could be no one.)

If you are going to share something, what you will share comes into play.  Underlying this filtering process is motivation for sharing.  This influences the what and even how.

What’s the Purpose

All communication or lack thereof has a purpose.  There are four basic categories into which information sharing falls.  These are:

• unburdening (lessen your guilt)
• personal gain  ( this includes a wide variety of motivations from monetary to self worth)
• altruistic (for the benefit of others)
• malicious (to attack or harm others, could be coupled with gain on your part)

Withholding information can be as effective as sharing and during the filtering – whom do I tell and what – the decsion to not tell could be because that appears to be the best way to achieve the underlying objective.

In a flash

The really scary part is the filtering process often happens without a great deal of concious thought or examination of pro’s and con’s.  For most, it is just managed intuitively.

A thought pops in your head, is mulled briefly and then shared or not.  During that brief interval the reasons to communicate or hold back and what to say and how to position it are determined.

Often this leads to misunderstanding, frustration and conflict.  What we say, to whom and how we contextualize the information is so critical and important to get it right, yet alas, we spend so little time figuring it out.