Bully for you

When someone uses their strength or influence to force you to do what they want, you may have been bullied.  This is a broad definition and there are sub forms of bullying that display the same characteristics but are specific in context ( e,g sexual harrassement)

I often encounter people who have been bullied and don’t recognize it as such.  (I was either in the audience or told the story afterward).  Most associate  bullying with youth.  It is defined as something that happens in high schools or perhaps universities.

Bullying behaviour is not restricted by age or location.

The Reality

Behaving like a bully is second nature to some.  It is in fact, very human.  Simply put, it is the practice of achieving your goals forcefully without regard to the damage you may do to others.

In fact, doing damage is often part of the technique.  Fortunately our Canadian society believes bullying to be an unacceptable behaviour, and actively discourages bullies.

Don’t Take It

Bullies typically threaten or leverage their authority but have little intention to follow through and normally will back down  when confronted.

Unfortunately many don’t take a stand, they accept the course of least resistance and the bullying rarely stops.  In organizations this largely takes a pyschological form and can be more harmful over time than the physical.

Often the frustration and anxiety the person being bullied feels continues to grow inside until like the volcano there is a sudden release and it’s usually not pretty.

Next time someone works to make you feel bad for their gain, don’t take it.  Speak-up, resist and don’t hesitate to seek help, believe me most don’t appreciate bullying behaviour and will support you.

Secret Information

The foundation of political maneuvering uses information to enhance your power.   In these cases I refer to politics as methods or tactictics employed within an organization (public or private)for purpose of effecting control (i.e., power)

Secret Information

The security level assigned to information is used to determine who can view it.   The use of classification is  intended to allow the holder of the information a fair and easy way to control it’s use.

Conceptually the information could be misused.  The problem is restricting the availability of information can protect but it can also harm.

In some cases, information may be withheld from you in order to enable the holder to manipulate you to achieve their personal goals.

For Example

If your address was considered secret, and you called for emergency assistance but passed out before giving your address.  The first responders asks the phone company for your address but it is withheld because it’s secret information.

Not having your address in the wrong hands does make sense, however as noted, having the information withheld in some situations could be disasterous.

Sharing Ideas

I have always believed the best approach is to share as openly as possible.  In this way you can avoid the situation where the witholding of information has negative impacts.

Of course you could share information that causes you harm ( like your credit card number and PIN).  The really harmful information you should withold is typically relatively identifiable.

Using information to manipulate events in your favour might have some value, but is it ethical?

 

Passive Clarity

Everyone benefits from clarity.  When the crafter of a message and the receiver both interpret the content identically, it is intuitive to assume the result is more positive than otherwise.

The message can be delivered directly (forceful clarity) or indirectly (passive clarity).  Whichever technique is used the most critcial attribute is clarity.

Clarity

Clarity in communication occurs when the message is logical, consistent and easily understood or comprehended in a consistent way.

Crafting a clear message is a skill that takes effort, patience and most importantly practice.  To learn this skill you must use it repeatedly and use ongoing coaching to attain high levels of performance.

Forceful Clarity

In this case the message is directive.  It is typically one sided (your view) and mainly intended to illicit a partcular response/behaviour.  The key to forceful clarity is delivering the content in a way that is readily understood and brooks no misinterpretation.

Passive Clarity

This communication style is collaborative and indirect.  It is the most difficult to practice but also can be most rewarding.   I equate passive clarity to leading from behind.

In this case the message is understood and reinforced without actually directly providing the content.  In these cases the others figure out the message, the approach and how to achieve the goals without being told directly.

This is a very self motivation focused approach.

Balance

Forceful and passive clarity are best used in balanced conjunction with each other.  As a leadership skill, the use of self awareness enables the leader to achieve the most effective balance between how clarity is imparted.

Interpreting your reality

Technically a subjective viewpoint is your view of reality while and objective one is factually based.   Objective perspectives should be consistent among a large group while subjective could widely vary.

Perhaps though, perception is reality, that is what you perceive and so believe is true.  Reality is what you believe it to be.  Contrary opinions to your perception are incorrect.

The world is mine

Philosophically if your reality of the world is based soley on your interpretation than it’s all about you.  If this applies to everyone humans would be unable to interract effectively.

Hence, we have  social rules.  As groups we define culture and imbed the associated rules into our behaviour through governance practices.  For example, this is done through implementation and enforcement of laws.

Addittionally and more importantly, our social groups define a cultural norm which is implemented through the process of having common beliefs and values passed from elders to their young.

So we can perceive our own reality but these perceptions are limited  by  cultural values for the common group good (the pack mentality) embedded in us from birth.  (Some don’t adhere to these values, but most do).

So our reality is all about us, within the constraints of the value systems we are nurtured with and the laws we need to adhere to or suffer consequences.

Does objectivity exist?

If reality is subjective, it  begs the question, does objectivity exist beyond an English word in the dictionary?  Can we ever say, our interpretation of anything is fully fact based?

Whats Next

Are you ready for whats next?  This is a subtle variation on the boy scouts motto, “ always be prepared”.

Over the last couple of years I have posted on a wide variety of topics.  For my posts In the area of philosophy, personal excellence and leadership there are often recurring themes.  Similar concepts but different (e.g., leading from in front/ behind).

I recognize constant change and improvement are a key tenants underlying the road to success associated with these topics.

This post considers and explores ideas that can be leveraged on that road to whats next (i,e,,  raising your performance bar)

Managing your Personality

As noted in the past, personality is just the term for your natural behaviours.  Those “go to”  actions that are intuitive and form the core of all your behaviours.

A key ability to successfully interacing with others is being able to alter your behaviours ( outside of your personality) to fit best with the contextual circumstances.  To do this effectively it must be natural, not forced, i.e., your behaviour most be believed.

Forceful/ Collaborative

In the leadership concept, whether you are a natural collaborator (your personality) or a controller, one size does not fit all.  It is important to be able to navigate from a partner to an authoritative resource (exercised earned or granted power) according to what the  situation demands.

In a nutshell the oft quoted critical skill  of self awareness is the lynchpin to this balancing act.  You need to be fully, conciously aware of the situation in real time and balance your behaviour accordingly.

Not easy, but truly the best use of self awareness.

Destructive Criticism

I was chatting to a colleague today about some constructive criticism they had recently received.  I provided my thanks for the opportunity to rant, and then did so.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism.  I am not sure who came up with the term but lets start our analysis with the definition of criticism.

Basically any expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes, a critical review.  Based on this definition there is little about criticism that appeals to me (particularly when it’s about me).

Constructive criticism is apparently a helpful and good thing for you to embrace because it’s an opportunity for improvement.  It focuses on a particular issue for you to fix.

What a load of crap?

My personal observation is the outcome of so-called constructive criticism is almost always negative.  Hence my own clear and accurate description, destructive criticism.

At least with with criticism you can characterize it as an unhelpful attack by a small minded individual preening their self importance through the use of a subjective personal opinion.

Constructive criticism, because it is couched in the lie that it is intended to be helpful, is simply the knife covered by a cloth so you don’t see it coming right away and so have more trouble defending against it.

Negative, really?

You may question my bold statement that constructive criticism most often fails to achieve the change it is intended for.  I support that assertion with a simple question for you.

Has criticism directed at you, constructive or otherwise, ever resulted in feelings other than anger, fear, dissapointment, agression, defensiveness and the list goes on.

These are uniformally bad feelings which make you feel bad.  Good results come from good feelings not bad ones.  I will end with an exaggeration.

How effective do you think the boxing coach is during a bout when he provides his fighter with constructive criticism.  “You are terrible, this is the worst fight I have ever seen and you deserve to loose.  Iam just telling you this for your own good.”.

Oh yeah, that will motive the fighter to do better, NOT.

 

Resolve not Fix

There is a subtle difference between resolving an issue and fixing a problem.  If the issue has a solution, in essence it is settled.  That particular issue is finished.

On the other hand, the problem from which the issue arose is probably not solved.  In this case it is highly likely similar issues stemming from the base problem will contine to arise.

Applying Common Sense

Given fixing the problem will address reoccurrence, it clearly reduces work, re-work and associated costs and reputational impacts.

So, when you are presented with an issue, investigating to determine the problem (aka cause of the issue ) and then fixing it seems to be more logical than fixing related issues ad infinitum.

If it was so Easy

Typically most of us focus on the issue.  The most common question that springs to our mind is, “What is wrong? and How can I resolve it?”, not “Why is this happening?”.

There is of course a sense of urgency and it often seems the value of determining why an issue occured doesn’t outweigh the value of putting the issue to bed quickly.

If the issue reoccurs, (or a similar issue) odds are you won’t even recognize the relationship because you have not associated cause.

The sad part is just shifting the question from how to solve the issue, point in time, to how to fix it permanently is not difficult.  It is however not intuitive so often gets by passed.