Tag Archives: desires

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

You can’t always get what you want

Leave a comment

The external factors associated with your perception that prevention of the progress, success, or fulfillment is occurring can be very real to you, however,  letting this result in frustration is a choice.

As the Rolling Stones sang back in 1968, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you find you get what you need.”  For me, this is how we can avoid frustration.  Focus on what you need, not what you want.

 Focus

Getting what you need might require a significant effort but the result will be satisfying.  Focusing on things you require should never be frustrating, just plod on until you attain what is required. Ultimately you need it so you will find a way to get it.

Separating needs and wants (both of which can seem required, essential and important) is not easy but critical to avoid frustration.  Don’t waste time on the things you want.  Just relax and let it go, cause you don’t really need it.

Fine Line

There is a fine line between needs and wants and sometimes they are inseparable.  The yardstick is basically can you survive without it.  If no it is required.  For example, we need food to live ergo it is required.

However, this is an interesting requirement because of the devil in the detail.  How much and what kind of food is required.  We have our individual wants as it relates to food and we feel a need to satisfy desire but the reality is, core sustenance is pretty basic.

Separating wants and needs can be tricky but it ultimately it makes sense to stay chill about things that are nice to have but not absolute musts.

 

 

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Requirements are Important

Leave a comment

When we need or want something that is necessary to satisfy our desires we need to document/explain clearly what the requirements are (in detail).

Providing a high-level objective can define what you are trying to achieve, but as often stated the devil can be in the details.  High-level requirements might get you started but without more detail, the results might not be to your liking.

For Example

You might engage a builder to construct a custom home for you.  The objective is simply stated to build a single-family home on this empty lot that conforms to the building code.

Without much more detail than that you could get a home that does not conform to your needs.  How many floors will there be, how many bathrooms, what color will the walls be and the list goes on.

In this example, the requirements can be quite straight forward coming from a single source, the homeowner.  There are many other cases where the evolution of the requirements can be much more complex.

Building Software

In the information technology space, application software development is a good example of a more complex requirements management  process.

Often there are many end-users of the software product and each may have an individual requirement some of which are contradictory.  Many of which are confusing and almost never with enough detail.

The cost or feasibility to provide all the desired requirements might be prohibabtive or for the sake of expediency.   Additionally because detail is often not provided or clarification sought the final software often does not meet the requirements.

If you expect to receive what you wanted clarity and detail is required.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Defining Success

Leave a comment

Simply put, success is achieved when a the purpose or goal has been accomplished.  The definition of accomplished is the sticky point.  Even completion of well defined aims can be some what subjective.

Who determines your success.  Arguably it should be a self assessment but this can be a hollow victory.  If others don’t share in your conclusion did you really succeed?

Own It

Others opinions are a valid gauge for deciding whether you have been successful or not.  However, ultimately you own  personal accountability for determining the success of  your achievements.

For example, when running a marathon the officials might define if you won or not.  You determine the measure of your success.  Just completing the marathon, not necessarily winning might bring you satisfaction and joy.

Needing Approval

The need for acceptance is a basic human trait.  It is strong and within the hierarchy of needs  defined by American psychologist Abraham Maslow in the nineteen forties, acceptance tops our basic needs.

Therefore success defined solely outside of approval or recognition of others cannot fully meet our needs.  We might be self-satisfied but how others feel matters to us.

That being said we do not have to let their opinions dominate our own analysis and conclusion.  Influence how we view the world, of course but that does not mean we should readily succumb to the power of others.

Balance Yours Needs Against Others

The key to feeling joyful about your success is balancing your own perspectives against those of others and reaching a realistic balanced assessment.

The conclusions relative to personal success are yours to own so you must be fully comfortable with what they are.

 

.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Needs and Wants

Leave a comment

Things required to live a healthy life are needs, everything else you desire is optional, albeit might be required to maximize your happiness.

Separating needs and wants can be a difficult task, but having a clear idea which is which can be most helpful. Needs are clearly a priority and should receive your focus.

Focus

Avoiding conflict between needs and wants helps ensure your efforts are focused on the best value proposition. That is, attaining the goal that gives the best return.

This requires self awareness coupled with the ability to be brutally honest with yourself. Categorizing needs versus desires is easier if you take the timee to define the attributes of each from a personal perspective.

You can then map the object of your desire to the qualities you defined as required to live or nice to have. This makes labling things as wants or needs easier to do.

Want or Need

Determining if something is required, versus just desired, means drawing some lines to suite your own personal situation. One size does does not fit every case.

Your bar should depend on impact. If you don’t attain an objective, what happens? In many cases life as you know it will go on, but could be negatively impacted.

A deficit of positive results is obviously impactful as well. The key to whether a thing is required (whether to avoid the negative or accent the positive is somewhat objective but completely related to impact.

Things with impacts devestating to you are needs, everything else is not.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Wants and Needs

Leave a comment

Whether classified as a want or a need,  both are action terms about attaining something.  For wants, the underlying motivation is a desire and for needs it’s required or essential.

In 1943 Abraham Maslow put forward a motivational theory based on a heirarchy of needs.  The theory was more fully devolped in his 1954 book Motivation and Personality.

In brief, humans needs were grouped into five main categories, in order of priority: self actualization, esteem, love/belonging, safety and physiological.

Needs versus Wants

A very grey area for me is the classification of needs and wants.  Maslow focused on human psychology to define needs.  The categories are broad and distinguishing the essential over the desired is not clear cut.

For example, belonging is  an intrinsic part of human nature but to what degree.  Of course the degree to which we attach ourselves to others (e.g.,marriage, single, hermit) can vary widely.

For one person what might appear only desirable could be a requirement for another.  Often distinguishing between wants and needs can be tricky.

Does it Matter

When you are motivated to act, the strength of desire can be moderated by need versus want.  Rationalization can help influence the decision.  Thoughts like, I really want this, but do I need it.

And so the dilemma begins, is this an inherent need or not.  Is there any definitive way to decide?