Tag Archives: anger

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Are you Annoyed?

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Sometimes we are angry or irritated.  This can be a mild form of annoyance to the more extreme case where a person could be described as being “fit to be tied”

Historically this expression relates to constraining a bull so that it can be handles.  Bulls are known for expressing their annoyance, or perhaps it could be called anger, in very physical ways thus the need for constraint.

Keep Control

When you are feeling annoyed this is often readily reflected in your behaviour and can result in less than optimal outcomes.  In these situations allowing our annoyance (although perhaps very valid for us to be annoyed), causes us to act more based on emotion.

Our feelings are real to us and a very important aspect of both our individuality and overall humanity however it can cloud our logical thinking processes leading to emotional satisfying but truly illogical behaviour.

Consider Outcomes

The best approach to using your annoyance in a positive way is to take the time to consider outcomes.   Acting precipitously based on what are powerful feelings can make you feel good in the moment, but the key question is “Will you regret it.”

I occasionally wonder the value of strong emotions as they can result in actions we question afterwards and perhaps even really regret.

However, there is real value in our ability to portray emotion for others to understand how we feel but this is best done in a way that does not lead to an adverse response.  Emoting works best when used in a practical way.

So next time you are annoyed consider the best way to use those feeling to achieve your goals and resolve whatever is annoying you in the first place.

 

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Is it you?

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Many times through out our lives we will experience conflict.  At times our exchange of information with others will appear adversarial.

We may be criticized or perceive others behaviour to be rude or unfriendly.   Often in these cases we assign fault to the others and use this determination to justify our own righteous behaviour.

Solution Based Action

Regardless of the cause, which usually involves every one to some extent, overcoming unpleasant situations is most easily done by avoiding blame and focusing on behaviours that will resolve the conflict in a way that everyone wins.

When we are wronged or at least believe we have been wronged it is relatively easy to focus on ourselves and our needs We are in the right and dam it others need to know they have wronged us.

This approach results in us acting in ways that do not defuse conflict but rather result in escalation.  Although not our intention we become a contributor to the problem.  And through our actions the problem becomes worse.

Get over it

Perhaps you are not at fault, perhaps you have been mistreated by others.  Reacting to their rudeness or inappropriate actions in a retaliatory way might be good for you but it is unlikely to lead to a resolution.

Most likely your actions lead to a response which will just make the situation worse.  Accepting that shit happens, focusing on ways to work with others to achieve a state of happiness for everyone is a far more logical approach.

Work Together

Is it you, is it me, who cares.  Conflict is best resolved through joint actions.  Lashing out in spite might give you a brief satisfaction but it will not be sustainable.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Hanging On

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Stuff bugs us, that is normal.   Letting irritants fester like a wound is more damaging than the cause of the issue in the first place.  At the risk of sounding like the hit song from the movie Frozen, “Let it go”.

Resolving things that bother you is much easier said than done, but consciously reaching an acceptable solution, something you can live with, is far less painful than hanging on. 

It’s a process

The process to resolve those things that are bugging you is a standard series of steps:

  • What’s the issue and why does it bug you?
  • What is the optimal solution?
  • What is the minimum you could accept to consider the problem resolved?
  • What steps do you need to take to achieve either the best or minimally acceptable solution or something in between? 

Asking yourself the four questions, in the order presented, will provide you with a way to close the issue.  The key, of course, is making sure the minimally acceptable solution is positively something that will allow you to “let it go”.

Execution

Identifying the problem, the way to resolve it and the steps to do so, leads to execution.  That is actually taking the action to conclude and close the thing that is bugging you.

This needs to be precipitous.  The longer you wait the more chance that the problem will fester into something larger and the cure will be more difficult.  Heal yourself while you can, don’t wait for septicemia to set in. 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Exploring your anger

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I watched the Disney cgi/live action version of Beauty and the Beast on the weekend.  One of the notable features of Disney movies, often attributed to Walt’s legacy, is the clever, intelligent and philishopical dialogue.

Disney focused on family entertainment.  While that is still the case they do produce more more adult oriented features now than during their early days.

Even, with many of their features having a strong focus on  children, because they are generally smart witty and worldly, the adult audience is drawn in as well.

So what’s this about anger

A simple quote, spoken by the animated tea pot played by Emma Thompson (Mrs.Potts) really caught my attention.  So simple but so true.

“People say a lot of things in anger. It is our choice whether or not to listen.”

Sage wisdom from a tea pot.  Beauty and the Beast begin  their relationship from a foundation of stored anger that in fact was related to circumstances beyond their control.

By ignoring the anger, they are able to form a loving relationship.  The realty at the core of the plot is really what appeals to me.

That is the truth in fact;  Anger will not lead to love or friendship but get past it and the sky is the limit.

So kudos to Walt Disney and inheritors.  Keep on spreading the word.  Ignore angry words and most likely good results will be achieved.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

The price of pride

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Pride is one of those inwardly directed emotions I have always wondered about the value of.

Why does it exist?

In general emotions drive behavior.  Fear and a commonly associated classic behavioral reaction “flight or fight” is an example of this.

Emotions and their built in behaviors are part of our evolutionary development, that is they are hereditary more than learned.

If we assume that emotions exist for a purpose (e.g., fear to initiate appropriate reaction in dangerous situations);  than what is the value behind the secondary emotion of pride ((secondary in that it requires a sense of self and an understanding of conceptual distinctions)?

Why Pride?

I believe there are two main expressions of pride.

Firstly, and usually the most apparent, is the expression of inflated of self worth and personal status.   This can be directly communicated or be indicated through the way you behave. This is usually perceived negatively by others and is not really effective in collaborative or team environments.

Alternately when internalized and used to create self satisfaction toward one’s own or others choices and actions the resulting behavior is usually positive and can be leveraged as a foundation for success both individual or group.

In the latter case, pride can have positive results but this requires self awareness to ensure the emotional drivers are channeled into both effective and appropriate behavior.

Conclusion

Pride, like the other suite of emotions (primary and secondary) does serve a purpose but like all emotions needs to be managed carefully to ensure that it is channeled into the most useful actions.

A simple example of channeling emotion to action is the emotion of  fear and the basic flight or fight reaction.  The emotion can trigger the urgent need for a response but cannot guide that response.

The message here is to check in with yourself before reacting to an emotional driver leading to a prideful response to be sure the resulting behavior is best for both you and others (we are social animals after all).