All posts by steve@kerrzone.com

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Use it or Lose it

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Abilities not used are abilities wasted. That is, when you have the capability to achieve something worthwhile, yet choose not to, no purpose is served, an opportunity is wasted.

Of course every action, our entire behaviour throughout life does not have to be purpose focused; however, not being all you can be does seem to be a misuse of your time on earth.

For Your Pleasure

Having a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment is subjective to an extent.  Recognizing variations to the magnitude of impact,  when some activity is considered pleasurable it would probably be considered pleasurable by others as well.

In general, things that create pleasure for one person often generate similar feelings for others.   Accomplishment and satisfaction are generally pleasurable to all.

By inference, using your capabilities to the max, rather than letting them be idle, will lead to accomplishment, satisfaction, and pleasure.  It is worth extending yourself.

Missed Opportunity

If you don’t try using your ability when the opportunity presents itself you may not get another chance.  If you don’t leverage your abilities to the maximum when you can, you might lose the ability to do so (use it or lose it)

A word of caution though,  stretching your abilities beyond your known capability is not recommended.  This could be painful and have negative consequences.

However, when you have the ability to try with a reasonable expectation of success to not do so is a waste.  Don’t be wasteful, go for it.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Angry Eyes

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It has been said the eyes are the window to the soul.  When it comes to communication of information through body language, surprisingly, your eyes can be a powerful tool.

Sometimes the message is one you do not want to share (for example – anger) but your eyes can betray you.  Typically other signs couple with your angry eyes but the eyes can be key to telling others how you really feel.

Hard to Read

There are occasions when we cannot perceive what others mood or emotional reactions are.  Typically this will be the case when the eyes are blank.

We wonder, is anyone home?  Many times this blank-eyed approach is just a conscious effort to remain stoic and not betray our inner feelings.

Manage Your Message

It does take work to control others perceptions, often emotions and the body language associated with them occur sub-consciously and so are a bit out of your control unless you consciously choose to override your natural automated reactions.

Being able to hide your “angry eyes” or some other message which represents what you really think but is probably not appropriate to share can hold you in good stead.

This is not an easy skill to master but certainly a worthwhile one.  Interacting with others while focused on the root topic will usually result in much better outcomes for everyone.

Red herrings and emotions can easily sidetrack an exchange or even lead to others withholding or altering what they share as a result of there perceived interpretation of what you are thinking (e.g., angry eyes).

This can lead to misunderstandings and derail potentially worthwhile discussions that will lead to success for everyone.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Silly Rules

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It always makes me wonder why some people get so excited about enforcing silly rules.  Their enthusiasm for ensuring the letter of the law is followed, stupid or otherwise always puzzles me.

This is the foundational principle of bureaucracy.  In essence bureaucratic process is not about the end result (although it is positioned as such) but rather it’s all about the execution.

Common Sense

Rules that work is not the goal of bureaucratic systems.  The task is often performed for the sake of the task itself.  This is one of the main frustrations people have with bureaucracies.

Theoretically by following the process quality and efficiency ensue.  In reality rigid adherence to policies often causes more delays and mistakes than otherwise.

Flexibility can allow real time tailoring of processes.  Many nimble organizations, groups or just individuals view policies and rules as guidelines at best.

For Example – Stop Signs

I once stood by a stop sign on a residential street by my house and counted the cars that came to a full stop over the course of 30 minutes.

Five cars went by and none came to  a full stop.  Although the rules for stop signs is crystal clear every driver I observed treated it as a guideline rather than a rule.

It appeared safe to proceed into the insersection,following the rule without exception was not deemed necessary.  In this example common sense could and was applied.

I observed no accidents.

Judging Outcomes

Unfortunately for many large commercial, charitable or government organizations processes and practices are not viewed as guidelines but rather absolutes.

This is usually to their detriment and fosters frustration for  their stakeholders.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Sharing Success and Failure

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We sometimes believe sharing failures is a sign of weakness and sharing success is arrogant.   As a result, many of us are not as open as we could be.

The reality, demonstrated by many studies, is the regular sharing of success and failure with others (team, family, colleagues, etc) provides far more benefits than concealment.

Being Aware

Failure is not a lack of weakness.  I prefer to view it as a sign of confidence.  Without confidence you won’t attempt things that you could fail at, hence you won’t fail.

Success leads to happiness and although it may sound unintuitive most people relish the success of others, it makes us all feel good.  For the most part, everyone genuinely enjoys achievements whether their own or others.

Concealing these things from others, thinking it will depress them (failure) or make them jealous (individual success) is just a silly approach.  It is not accurate.

Please much prefer to be in the know relative to what is happening.  The majority of us are mature enough to handle good and bad news without falling apart.   Being excluded is far more detrimental than being informed.

Motivation

Holding back information is demotivating.  People you interact with can sense when you are holding back.  The things you don’t share will be unlikely to demotivate.  The unknown is scary to others and leads to insular behavior.

When others are unsure they tread carefully.  They are unlikely to challenge and push ahead.  Fear of what you are keeping secret is demotivating to them.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Veracity

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When you make a false statement with a deliberate intent to deceive, that is an intentional untruth or falsehood, we label it a lie. 

When you innocently make a false statement you might still be considered a liar as the listener cannot accurately determine intent.  You might be perceived as acting deliberately by default.

The lie you believe is the truth you tell

Making mistakes relative to the veracity of the information you share with others, however innocent, can result in serious negative impacts.

If a statement you make is unknowingly false, it could still be perceived by others as a lie.  While intent matters relative to the determination of a lie or a mistake, the intent is not always easy to determine.

Be Honest

Errors that could be taken as lies should be acknowledged, apologized for and rationale supporting the innocence of the intent.  This disclosure should be undertaken as soon as the mistake is revealed.

Defending your actions is usually not a good idea.  This can reinforce the perception of dishonesty.  Straight up agreement with your accuser and appropriate remorse always works best.

Sometimes you may have lied for the better good.  If uncovered the same approach is best, acknowledge and apologize.  Justifying your lack of veracity might make you feel good but usually does not work well with others.

Accuracy Matters

Avoiding factual mistakes is always the best approach though.  Acknowledge and apologize can work to minimize negative consequences surrounding communication of inaccuracies but it’s best to not put yourself in that situation.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Knowing Yourself

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Before you can understand others you must understand yourself.  In basic terms, self-understanding is your own awareness of and ability to understand the rationale for your taking of an action and reasons behind your reaction to actions taken by others.

This is not to imply that others will only act within the realm of your value system and personal motivations.  Being aware of your self provides a framework to map another person’s behaviors against, for understanding, not for judging.

Not Judging

Of course, we all judge ourselves, sometimes to our determent and often this extends to judging others.  Understanding is not about judging, rather it is knowledge.

Knowing the facts, information, and skills applicable to the situation, derived through experience or education, enables us to gain either a theoretical or practical understanding of others.

Your own experience and education are the foundation from which you can assess others behaviors and most importantly respond accordingly.

By not judging, rather, using an informed and therefore highly accurate knowledge-based assessment to understand why others do what they do your response can be measured, reasonable and most likely well received.

More than Seeing Yourself

Self-understanding goes beyond just viewing yourself in a mirror.  The view you see in a  mirror show what you look like only superficially and real understanding is much deeper than that.

How you think and behave is really what matters for ongoing interactions with others.  Understanding yourself at a deep inner level is key to being able to manage your responses to another’s behavior in the most effective way.

That is, to react in a way that will create a positive experience for everyone involved you need to understand why that would be the case.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Ikigai

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The oldest people in the world live in Okinawa Japan.  Studies seeking the reason for this longevity have not been conclusive. In reality, it is probably a combination of things.

One theory is longer lives are simply obtained through the practice of ikigai (roughly translated to “reason for being”).   This is not the meaning of life but rather a very personal internal connection to your own purpose.  Ikigai starts with you.

Retire and Die

I was discussing retirement in general with my son-in-law recently when he commented, “retire and die”.  His intent was to highlight the fact when you retire there is a real possibility your ikigai will be diminished or perhaps disappear entirely.

Often many of us focus on jobs through our lives, until we retire.  Without the job, which probably was our primary reason for being to that point, we need to refocus.

Life focus is not just on activities like golfing, bridge, hiking and so on but needs an underlying purpose to give meaning.  For example,  living on in order to meet your great-grandchildren, great-great-grandchildren and so on.

This goal is not just about the activity of “meeting” someone but rather has a truly emotional and meaningful aspect.  The rationale for meeting your grandchildren is as much for them as it is for you.  It is not just about satisfying a personal emotional desire.

Live Long and Prosper

Longevity can be supported by prosperity.  That is being in a successful, flourishing, or thriving condition.  Purpose is the underpinning of prosperity.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

The Air we Breathe

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Each moment of our lives we take air into our lungs.  This is an involuntary, unconscious action which is critical to remaining alive.  If you stop breathing you will die.

The basic function of breathing is to take oxygen to our cells so that they can use oxygen to make cellular energy.  This is done through the production of Addison Tri-Phosphate (ATP).

The chemical reaction resulting in ATP starts with sugar and oxygen.  Carbon dioxide is created as a by-product which is then exhaled to complete the breathing cycle.

Just Oxygen?

Unfortunately, although oxygen is the primary element in air humans seek to live, it is not the only thing that is in the air.  Airborne bacteria or viruses can enter our bodies through the air.

Worse than disease are those small particles from industrial waste or forest fires (smog).  They can really mess up the smooth operation of your internal biological processes.

Sadly, some things that pollute the air, like a massive forest fire, can be out of our control.  Even wearing a mask will not filter some of the tiny particles created by fire.

Fresh Air

Of course, if you really need a shot of fresh air a gas mask, diving tanks or a space suit can help for a bit.   The reality is though, ultimately we end up taking in the air around us.

We cannot stop breathing without very negative impacts, yet, breathing smog-laden air can have as deleterious effects, it just takes longer.

We are between a rock and a hard place.  Avoiding bad air is not always something we can do.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Changing Course

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Often we will think again or change our mind basically by the adoption of a different opinion or plan.  A decision to proceed with a specific activity (e.g., product purchase, vacation, job change) might be altered.

Once a decision is made the plan on how to achieve the associated defined goals can be developed.  During planning, factors impacting the feasibility of the original decision could cause us to change our minds.

For Example

You may decide to purchase a new television.  You undertake a search for products for a while and make a selection.

Before you actually make the purchase you become aware of a far superior product, ie, through an acquaintance, direct advertising or another unplanned channel.

This new information can easily cause you to change your mind.  If you have not initiated the purchase of the first choice this change is probably easily made.

Occasionally changing your mind can have greater impact.  In these cases the value equation comes into play.  Simply put, is the effort and impact of the change worth it.

Subjective versus Objective

Often a truly objective analysis is overridden by emotional factors modification of the original decisions might not be the most logical approach.

In these cases the value largely derives from satisfying the emotional need.  Sometimes when there are a number of stakeholders this approach is not satisfactory to all and can leave some mystified.

When changing a decision, unless only you are impacted, it is always best to communicate the rationale for the change to everyone that is impacted.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Is it Fair

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We generally expect behavior from both ourselves and others that is in accordance with defined rules and standards (i.e., fair). Of course, this falls down a bit when the rules or standards are unclear.

Some behavior standards are unwritten just embedded in the culture.  Others are embedded in our personal value systems and might not synchronize completely with other people, although typically there is a fair amount of integration with our fellow humans.

Subjectivity

One of the greatest challenges in assessing the fairness of something, even when clear rules or laws exist, lies with the different possible interpretation of associated standards.

This leads to frequent situations where things one person thinks are justified and fair might not be perceived that way by others.   Resolving this problem in a reasonable and fair way is one of the main reasons for civil courts.

A Festering Wound

One of the greatest dangers about perceived unfairness is how it can grip you mercilessly, not letting go until you explode in agony. And, still, nothing is resolved.

Given others might not be sympathetic to your perceived slight, letting it continue unresolved leading to unsocial behavior only does you harm.

While the resolution, through discussion, open communication and understanding will not always lead to the result you desire, ergo the unfairness is not eliminated, at least your inner turmoil will be shut down.

If you believe yourself unfairly treated do not ignore it, nor lash out in anger but rather do yourself a favor and find a place where you can live with the situation, release any built-up angst and basically, move on.