Tag Archives: acceptance

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Upheaval

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The covid-19 global pandemic has caused many changes in our daily lives. Some of these may have a lasting effect on our behaviours.  For example travel and tourism are greatly restricted.

Central office workplaces are empty with many working from their homes, restaurant’s focus on takeout, bars are closed or limited capacity and online shopping is the order of the day, to name just a few of the obvious impacts.

Disruption

This sudden change is unwelcome by many if not all of us but we are adapting.  Covid-19 is not the only upheaval underway for many of us.

Even before the dawning of the pandemic the energy industry was in turmoil with the price of oil and gas sinking like a stone.  Traditional brick and mortar retail was (and is) under seige.

These changes and their impact on our lifestyles are not just regional or limited in scope, but span the globe. and impact a multitude of things.  Virtually no one is immune from their reach.

Adaptation

The causal factors  of the ongoing upheavals we are  experiencing are broad and largely out of individual control.  We can work within our social groups for changes and impact mitigation but largely the best approach is to accept and by embracing reality, thrive.

Even when remedies for covid are discovered (cure and or vaccine) and oil and gas supply and demand comes back into balance it is unlikely the changes wrought over these past months will not remain to some extent.

The new normal has arrived.  Find ways to enjoy it.  As the Borg in the TV show Star Trek The New Generation would say, “Resistance is futile”

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Is it Fair

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We generally expect behavior from both ourselves and others that is in accordance with defined rules and standards (i.e., fair). Of course, this falls down a bit when the rules or standards are unclear.

Some behavior standards are unwritten just embedded in the culture.  Others are embedded in our personal value systems and might not synchronize completely with other people, although typically there is a fair amount of integration with our fellow humans.

Subjectivity

One of the greatest challenges in assessing the fairness of something, even when clear rules or laws exist, lies with the different possible interpretation of associated standards.

This leads to frequent situations where things one person thinks are justified and fair might not be perceived that way by others.   Resolving this problem in a reasonable and fair way is one of the main reasons for civil courts.

A Festering Wound

One of the greatest dangers about perceived unfairness is how it can grip you mercilessly, not letting go until you explode in agony. And, still, nothing is resolved.

Given others might not be sympathetic to your perceived slight, letting it continue unresolved leading to unsocial behavior only does you harm.

While the resolution, through discussion, open communication and understanding will not always lead to the result you desire, ergo the unfairness is not eliminated, at least your inner turmoil will be shut down.

If you believe yourself unfairly treated do not ignore it, nor lash out in anger but rather do yourself a favor and find a place where you can live with the situation, release any built-up angst and basically, move on.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Taking Time

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The progression of time leads to change.  Something occurs in every moment and these occurrences represent a change.  Whether the activity was the similar to a past activity, or not, something changed.

For example, if you get up in the morning, shower, shave, dress the actions seem similar.  Each of these activities results in a change, for example from sleeping to waking state, from whiskers to clean shaven, from dirty to clean, although the activity itself and order of the activities might be unchanged.

Accepting Change

In fact the only way to freeze change would be to stop time, something that can be conceptualized but is unlikely to be actually realized.  Time marches on mercilessly.

We do of course have some control over the extent and magnitude of change we are comfortable with and can influence or impact the amount of change we are willing to accept. 

Like the daily march of time, change is inevitable and some things we must just accept, “it just is” and move on.  Being able to recognize when to accept and when to take action is critical to your ongoing peace of mind. 

Passive/ Aggressive

One common method to address change is to create the perception you accept it, while aggressively resisting through sabotage and other indirect practices

Open resistance is a far better practise both from the perspective of the challenger and the champion of the change.  Open discussion can enable the changes to occur with less anxiety and frustration by all parties while allowing for the potential of collaborative modifications.

The key is recognizing change is inevitable and resisting is a far less productive practice than participating. 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Alignment

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While it is not always true that multiple resources can complete a task more efficiently, it is often the case.  In simple terms, efficient means in a well-organized and competent way.

Efficient work is usually faster and of a higher quality.  For a number of people to work together toward a common goal, that is all are contributing to an outcome (product or service), alignment of approach is a critical underpinning.

Confusion Reigns

Say you are washing the dishes with a familly member.  There are a number of interelated tasks for your team to complete.  Things like putting leftover food away, scraping the plates before hand washing in the sink or putting in the dishwasher.

These tasks apply to the pots.  Condiments have to be stored and the table cloth shaken or replaced and washed.

The participants in the clean-up need to be aligned as to approach, i.e., who is doing what, how and when.  Without alignment confusion takes over and the end result is not arrived at efficiently.  It will be slow and messy, frustrating for the participants.

Conceptual Alignment

How to approach achieving your objectives, what you are trying to achieve and how you are going to get there is not only a key to being efficient but also drives everyones contentment.

If all are not on the same page, trying to read the book together is never going to work.  This does not mean everyone must like everyone else or even agree, but they must be able to both accept and align their behaviour to the common approach.

In essence all must either agree or be able to say I don’t agree this is best but I can support and comfortably live with this approach.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Social Norms

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The groups or communities we are part of  at any given point in time, usually have an accepted individual behavior expectation, this is the social norm.

Whatever your cutural group, whether all encompassing like a country or large organization to a micro community, (e.g., family, neighbors, friends) usually we quickly aquire and practice the expected behaviours.

Social norms and Age

I have personally observed, both in myself and others that the motivation to adhere to social norms diminishes with age.  This feeds the stereotype, “ they are just a cranky oldster, it’s to be expected”.

In point of fact the desire to conform is motivated to a large degree by the need for acceptance.  The concept of self actualization includes being a happy group member.

Self actualization is a phychologists way of describing the search for a state of maximum personal comfort, that is inner peace.  We all need and desire it and low levels of self actualization can lead to undesirable behaviours.

The drive for self actualization is typically a lifelong journey.  When not achieved, whether through acting out, or trending inward the results can be considered anti-social.

Back to Aging

As we get older most of us have accepted our state of belonging, that which we have achieved over time and are comfortable with the status-quo. Our drive for self actualization is lessened.

In the majority of cases,  changing your circumstances, gaining additional acceptance and the associated drive to do so simply wains with age.

This does not translate to old people not caring how they are percieved but rather not needing to care.  They can easily practice social norms and most will do so on the drop of a dime if provided the right motivation.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Surprise!

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The catch all definition for a surprise is “an unexpected or astonishing event.”    This is a bit simplistic because the magnitude of surprise can vary depending on how impactful the event is, whether is negative or positive and how unexpected it was. (But they all are surprises)

For example, the people living in earthquake prone geographic regions will express surprise when an earthquake occurs, even though it is not truly unexpected.

The moment in time, the magnitude of the earthquake and the results can be somewhat predicted but not with pin point accuracy and the surprise people feel at time of occurance is not unexpected in that context.

Ignore and Hope

Old age is more likely to produce strokes, heart attacks and other negative impacts.  Yet, for many, the signs are ignored to some extent and hopeful ignorance reigns supreme (I will live a long time).  When the physical event occurs it is often a surprise (to some degree anyway).

Wishing negative surprises do not occur is a very natural human behaviour and can be a good stress reliever.  Why worry about something that might occur?  Better to assume it will not.

Pragmatically for the inevitable negative surprises that will come our way acting like an ostrich has some merit  (e.g., death and taxes – although some are not surprised by their taxes).

Predict or Accept

An interesting question for me around the approach to surprises is should we try to predict and worry or just accept them when they occur and move on.

Clearly there is probably not an absolute here.   On one hand, worry can lead to mitigation and real avoidance but it can be unpleasant as well.  On the other hand, acceptance is not always easy to do.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Everybody is Important

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The last few days I have been musing about leadership.  Todays post is in the same vein, but with a bit of a twist. How others percieve you becomes the foundation of who you are to them.

On the positive side, if you are viewed as warm and friendly, thoughtful and knowledgable, kind, empathetic, easy to understand, motivated and successful, (to name just a few of the critical life skills) it is likely you will be able to exercise your earned power to a greater degree.

These skills are not only valued in leaders, but in fact serve everyone well with helping achieve their goals.  The key to their practice though, is the ability to be liked.  Arogant and conceited delivery can override personal effectiveness.

Everyone is Important

Embrace the thought “everyone is important” as a singular personal value and always behave according to that concept.  If everything you do is founded on this belief, by default you respect everyone and this permeates your behaviour.  Others will feel it clearly.

So whether you desire others to think of you as a leader or just want to use your own earned power to its best effect, start with an underlying mantra embedded in everything you do that will send others a clear single that you value them.

Leveraging this basic underlying default value as the drive of all your behaviours, that is good communication, empathy, self awareness, etc, will just be all the more powerful.