Tag Archives: aging gracefully

Social Norms

The groups or communities we are part of  at any given point in time, usually have an accepted individual behavior expectation, this is the social norm.

Whatever your cutural group, whether all encompassing like a country or large organization to a micro community, (e.g., family, neighbors, friends) usually we quickly aquire and practice the expected behaviours.

Social norms and Age

I have personally observed, both in myself and others that the motivation to adhere to social norms diminishes with age.  This feeds the stereotype, “ they are just a cranky oldster, it’s to be expected”.

In point of fact the desire to conform is motivated to a large degree by the need for acceptance.  The concept of self actualization includes being a happy group member.

Self actualization is a phychologists way of describing the search for a state of maximum personal comfort, that is inner peace.  We all need and desire it and low levels of self actualization can lead to undesirable behaviours.

The drive for self actualization is typically a lifelong journey.  When not achieved, whether through acting out, or trending inward the results can be considered anti-social.

Back to Aging

As we get older most of us have accepted our state of belonging, that which we have achieved over time and are comfortable with the status-quo. Our drive for self actualization is lessened.

In the majority of cases,  changing your circumstances, gaining additional acceptance and the associated drive to do so simply wains with age.

This does not translate to old people not caring how they are percieved but rather not needing to care.  They can easily practice social norms and most will do so on the drop of a dime if provided the right motivation.

 

 

Through the Past Darkly

A quote from a training course instructor was shared with me today and it really resonated.  “The older I get , the better I was”.   Living on past glories does have some real benefits.

Reliving the past positively can have some real benefits.  This is just the opposite of the title of the Rolling Stones second greatest hits collection (Through the past darkly).

Of course there is a risk to recollecting your past too optimistically lest you start to believe in your super human capabilities.  On the other hand though, it is a way to feel good about yourself, an esteem booster if you will.

How Real is It

Memories are what we make of them and often our recollection becomes our reality.  As long as no one invents a time machine I will be okay, if validation of past experiences becomes possible, I might worry a little.

It’s hard to imagine relating a story from the past in which I do not stand out.  Of course, my past is all about me, and I was perfect, so why modify it.

Getting Better with Age

While your personal stories of past experiences probably do get somewhat embellished with time; like a good wine getting better with age, your current stories are enhanced by your past experience.

That is, getting older does me getting better – don’t let anyone kid you “old is the new young”.