Tag Archives: communicating

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Giving Advice/Sharing Information Part 2

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Yesterday I posted about the importance of crafting your message for receptivity.  When passing information to someone else shaping it as advice or even coaching might be simple and direct but ineffective.

My recommended technique is the two way approach (so called sharing or sometimes collaborating), that is a partnership  where both sides have content that is important, even if not aligned.  It is gaining the alignment that is your goal, i.e, the intent of your message is more likely to be received.

Whats the point

When you want to tell someone something the goal is always mutual understanding.  Both you and the recipient are successful when both   have a common understanding.

This not necessarily agreement or committment to act, but common understanding is foundational to resolving differences.  Without agreement to the facts the interpretation of outcomes is unlikely to match.

Bad Signs

Feedback from the person you are sharing with, which includes comments like; “Thats not my problem” or “I don’t have any issues” , probably is a good indicator you have failed the receptivity test.

Don’t give up at this point, also don’t get hooked emotionally.  The other parties disinterest may engender upset on your part, this won’t help.  Remain calm and soldier on.

Take Accountability

When you commence your information share, take personal accountabilty.  If you are not able to obtain receptivity consider it your accountability to overcome the challenge.

It is not the other parties lack of interest at fault but rather your issue that you were unable to get their interest.  You can fix it but to do this you must believe you are accountable to do so.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

How you tell it

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When others seek information from you, sometimes there are restrictions on you relative to the questions asked.  This could be because you don’t know or confidentiality or privacy considerations exist.

Whatever the circumstances, how YOU craft the message defines the outcome.  You have the ability to guide what the listner hears.  The message creates understanding, acceptance, confusion, fear, etc.

It is within your control, to some extent, how the information is recieved.  This is based on presentation.  How you craft your presentation benefits greatly from your own awareness of the recipients wants and needs.

For Example

Consider a truck stop.  At the entrance is a rack of reading material for the diners pleasure while eating.  The rack contains automotive magazines, girlie magazines and tabloid newspapers like the Sun.

Given the truck stops core audience the presentation of reading content on the rack is targeted based on assumptions of  the typical customer interests.

This presentation bias, giving the people what they want, is an important consideration when sharing information with others when your objective is to influence outcomes.

An Exaggeration

Lets say you are part of an organization that needs to reduce expenses.  You want the organizational stakeholders to have this information.

When you share the information you may choose to engender an environment of fear so some will be encouraged to leave, thus cutting employment costs and reducing expenses, but you don’t want to say it explicitly.

This message sholud be vaque and full of uncertainty.

On the other hand you want to retain people witin the organization to the full extent possible a d encourage a collaborative effort to resolve the cost challanges together.

In this case, the information should be shared clearly and openly, most importantly encouraging open feedback and discussion (after all those are key collaborative practices).

Consider, to achieve your objective, what is most important is not always the information itself, rather how it is sent.  In tbe above examples, first you need to determine what the goal is, then craft the message accordingly.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Communication 101

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When communicating with others, far more important than what you say is what is heard.  We spend the majority of our time in some form of communication, ranging from sending to receiving.

Whether, reading listening to music or a speech, watching entertainment live or recorded, the variety of communication forms is wide and varied.

The key to effective communication is not dependent on the communication form, rather it is the translation of the message into meaning by the recipient.

Regardless of type of communication, the most skilled communicators focus on their audience.

It’s not about you

The most common mistake is crafting the message to tell your story.  Story telling is a fantastic way to pass a message but for it to resonate and be understood the story needs to be aimed at the audience (for them, not for you).

What I want you to know and what you want to know are the two most basic underlying considerations to help you craft your message.

The skill is integrating the information so it is targeted with the audience in mind yet satisfies the scope of all stakeholders, that is both sender and receivers needs are met.

Don’t Ignore the Purpose

What is heard is the message.  If it does not meet your expectation the purpose is not satisfied.  Regardless of how skilled you were at crafting and delivering the message, if it does communicate what was intended, you have failed.

Remember, focus the message on the audience,but not at the expense of neccessary content.  Mould the message to fit the audiences and during delivery continually monitor reaction to gauge your success.

To the best of your ability judge if they are hearing what you are sending.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Everyone is Important

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Our worlds, specifically the people we are surrounded by, consist of many different personalities and perspectives.  Thriving on the differences, that is  embracing them, is more likely to lead to success, than otherwise.

The first step is to accept as a personal mantra, “everyone is important”.  Not lip service but a fully embedded personal belief that guides your behaviour.

Behaviour sets the tone

How you interract with others, from body language to verbal communication, sets the tone for receptivity.  If you broadcast the message that you believe everyone is important, it will be picked up.

People are sensitve and the underlying emotional tone is communicated whether intended or not.  This unspoken messaging can drive the entire tone of a collaberative interraction (or maybe it’s not collaborative, you could be sending the wrong vibe).

The Value Equation

Whats in it for me?  Believing, really believing, that everyone is important leads to powerful collaboration without even trying.  Everyone has a desire to be be recognized.

Treating others with respect requires recognition of their value.  Everyone brings something of use to any collaboration.  This acknowledgement works in all ways, i.e., you send the message and typically others respond in kind.

Everyone contributes to the end result and everyone succeeds. Everyone enjoys, everyone’s realizes pleasure.  It is easy to create this productive and effective environment.

Its all about me

Most importantly, you still are the most important.  Your life is all about you after all.  Focusing soley on yourself though is a big mistake.  The power of the human race as a whole far exceeds that of an individual.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

What language do you think in

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Thinking is an individual process centric to the human brain.  Basically the construction or development of a particular opinion, belief, or idea about someone or something constitutes thinking.

Artificial intelligence represents the ability to think without a human brain.  As the description of thinking is very broad, measuring if it is occurring can be a very subjective practice.

Alan Turing, British computer scientist, academic (among other things) postulated a test (the turing test) for artificial intelligence . It is however a somewhat subjective test.

Do you think in language?

Thinking is more a concept, that is thoughts are conceptual (e.g. think of sound or smell).  Language is a communication method associated with the thoughts but some  cognitive experts argue language is used more as an internal monologue tool than as a requirement for thought.

I have a number of multi-lingual friends, colleagues and family within my personal network and the simple question, “What language do you think in?” often leads to puzzlement.

Most, in fact initially everyone I asked was not sure what the question meant, hence the puzzlement.  On the whole, my conclusion is language is not required for thinking.

That being said, the ability to communicate is a key requirement for assessment  that artificial intelligence (thinking without an organic brain) exists and that thinking is occurring.

Still I wonder?

  • Can thinking exist without language, even if that is sign language
  • does a computer or device need to be able to communicate to prove the presence of intelligence
  • does thinking require the ability to comprehend and is language required to do this
  • if  I am multi-lingual and having a internal monologue, which language do I use.

And the questions continue.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Having a discussion with yourself

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I just finished a detailed discussion (several conversations over a couple of days) that was both tiring and frustrating.  The good news is how well it was resolved.

The learning experience for me is the pitfalls of both holding back information while not validating asumptions or preconcieved notions.

I have long been a believer in openly sharing everything I know about a topic regardless of my objective.  In fact, openly sharing my goal is part of this.

Holding Back

So often, partcularly when you are negotiating or want to get something, people hold back information.  The theory is information can be leveraged to help achieve your goals .

Openly sharing can make you vulnerable and could be used against you.  Strangely (as it seems logical) this way of thinking is actually far from beneficial and causes more harm than good more often than not.

Additionally information holdback supports the number one communication pitfall, incorrect conclusions mainly based on invalid assumptions.

For Example

My recent discussion was based on incorrect assumptions by both conversants, neither took the time to validate.  Compounding this was the information holdback which would have may the erroneous assumptions obvious.

After a couple of aggrivating one hour conversations I shared everything I knew via e-mail.  The response, we have a huge misunderstanding going on.

The result a brief conversation, in light of the misunderstanding and all issues and concerns were resolved.  This was a direct result of fully sharing with no information holdbacks.

Don’t Hold Back

It might feel like keeping key information undisclosed might help you achieve your goals, I have observed time and again this is a false assumption.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Seeking Clarification

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Communication, whether verbal,written or visual (e.g. body language) can be a very tricky endeveauor.  That is, tricky in the sense that all parties might not all end up with the same understanding.

Interpretation is very Individual

When information is communicated to us, first we analyse it and then make decisions.  The initial decision is basically either we understand the intent of the communication or we don’t and more information is required ( i.e. clarification).

Unfortunately our initial analysis is not always correct and sometimes we think all parties are of the same understanding although that is not necessarily the case

Validating

I have found whether the information being shared is within a personal or professional context, checking your interpretation, no matter how sure you are, always makes sense.  This technique can often prevent the unintended but potentially very real consequences of misunderstanding.

Context and Filters

Determining the purposes, meaning and intent of information being shared with you is often very much affected by your feelings and associated bias.

Seeking clarification is a really good way to help understand the intent of the message, as opposed to it’s meaning.  The meaning is is often subjective and your personal filters and bias distort the meaning into something you can understand, on your terms.  This can result in the intent being lost.