I just finished a detailed discussion (several conversations over a couple of days) that was both tiring and frustrating.  The good news is how well it was resolved.

The learning experience for me is the pitfalls of both holding back information while not validating asumptions or preconcieved notions.

I have long been a believer in openly sharing everything I know about a topic regardless of my objective.  In fact, openly sharing my goal is part of this.

Holding Back

So often, partcularly when you are negotiating or want to get something, people hold back information.  The theory is information can be leveraged to help achieve your goals .

Openly sharing can make you vulnerable and could be used against you.  Strangely (as it seems logical) this way of thinking is actually far from beneficial and causes more harm than good more often than not.

Additionally information holdback supports the number one communication pitfall, incorrect conclusions mainly based on invalid assumptions.

For Example

My recent discussion was based on incorrect assumptions by both conversants, neither took the time to validate.  Compounding this was the information holdback which would have may the erroneous assumptions obvious.

After a couple of aggrivating one hour conversations I shared everything I knew via e-mail.  The response, we have a huge misunderstanding going on.

The result a brief conversation, in light of the misunderstanding and all issues and concerns were resolved.  This was a direct result of fully sharing with no information holdbacks.

Don’t Hold Back

It might feel like keeping key information undisclosed might help you achieve your goals, I have observed time and again this is a false assumption.