Tag Archives: advice

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Feedback

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Lately I have found more people using the term feedback when they are more accurately providing advice.   Granted there is a fine line between these terms, but they do have different foci.

Feedback involves providing information about your reactions to something or someone (e.g, a person’s performance of a task)  which can be used by them as a basis for improvement.

The giving of advice seems similar to feedback but is more specific.  It involves guidance or action recommendations offered with regard to prudent future action.

Gently Done

Whether couched as advice or feedback, providing direction to others must be done with care lest it is misconstrued as criticism.  Perceived criticism is likely to result in resistance by the recipient as a natural reaction.

The giving of feedback can be tricky in this regard as by it’s nature the points of improvement imply criticism about actions to date.  Consider providing advice or couching the feedback as an opportunity to make it more palatable.

Overcome Resistance

Both advice and feedback can be useful tools but my experience is the natural reaction by most recipients is auto-shutdown.  That is, as soon as you offer advice or feedback you lose your audience.

Suggestions and recommendations, not explicitly stated as such but worded accordingly work much better.  You may still achieve your objective of giving some advice or feedback but it is more likely to be received positively when delivered softly.

A word to wise, when you are providing advice or feedback always includes the reasons why someone should be motivated to accept what you propose.  Action usually will not result without motivation.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Getting Help

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Asking others for suggestions, recommendations or simply for opinions is not a weakness.  Practicing the input/advise of others is not mandatory.

Gathering information increases your opportunity to make the best choice.  Frequently our assumptions and subsequent actions can be based on misunderstandings or even misinformation.

Ask Others

Some may react holier than thou or pompous and arrogant when you consult them.  Don’t let that put you off.  Your query is for your benefit alone, no matter what others think.

As I have repeatedly noted in the past, on you can decide how to behave.  Of course the influence of other people or environmental context plays a role but ultimately, you are in control.

Excelling

In your search for personal excellence you don’t need to rely on other people for help but leveraging the knowledge and experience of those around you will more likely improve the quality of your choices  than make them worse.

Remember, no matter how you get there, they are still your choices.

Considering the Options

My own experience has been a single conclusion rarely exists.  Multiple options are always present and choices are how can you increase the probability of your decisions having positive results.

Or viewed in the reverse, consulting is a risk mitigation technique to reduce the possibility of poor outcomes?  One good approach to the question of good or bad outcomes is to find out what others think (of course this does not guarantee success).

However big or small the questions or options before you are, consider others thoughts before plunging ahead.  You won’t regret it.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Self talk – ask a expert

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Most people have conversations in their head.  This is not talking out loud, nor am I refering a symptom of some mental illnesses. I refer to the thinking you do on the daily commute, during a quiet time at home and so on.

This could be telling yourself about things to do or comtemplate, it might be a mild self debate.  Sometimes we beat ourselves up, for example after a really important meeting you might tell yourselve “I really screwed up that presentation.”

It can be positive

Telling yourself a story, thinking about it and working through to a conclusion can be very theraputic, similar to discussing something with a friend,teammate, confidante, etc.

While discussing self talk with a colleague today, he noted, somewhat tongue and cheek, that self talk was the equivalent of talking to an expert.

That of course is a bit of a danger, in that you are really just a self proclaimed expert and the advice you give yourself might not always be golden.  On the other hand you are talking to someone you trust and respect and that can be very comforting.

Keep a balance, accent the positive

Talking through a situation might need more than just your perspective and where you can balance your own conclusions with external consultation can be invaluable.

For example, the aforementioned drubbing you gave yourself about a presentation (helping yourself believe you sucked) could be offset by checking with others at the meeting – maybe they thought it was the best presentation ever.

The reality might be somewhere inbetween, balancing self talk with external feedback is critical to avoid driving yourself into a rut.  Not only are we self proclaimed experts, but generally there are none we treat more harshley than ourselves.

Closing Recommendation

Pay attention to your self talk.  That is rise into consciousness when you recognize a self talk moment and moderate the conversation.   Often we talk to ourselves almost semi or fully unconciously.

When actively (conciously) participating,  moderate the negative; positive thoughts usually are more aligned with positive results. (Not of course at the expense of honesty.)

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Don’t Tell Me What to Do!

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Have you every noticed how most of the time you use the phrase “Can I give you some advice”, immediately the target of your advice raises their shields.

Over the years I have come to learn people actually like and appreciate advise, as long as it is hidden in some subterfuge.   It has been my experience most people don’t like to be told what to do, directly.  Indirectly seems to work okay.   I wonder is this is some standard genetic disposition or a built in behavior, something like the well known fight or flight.

Sort of like, you here the words ” Can you do it this way?” and wham the defensive reaction kicks in.

How Can We Help?

Using questions is a great way to pass on suggestions or even direction.  Something like ” Have you thought about using the break to stop the car before we hit the guy in front of us?

Just kidding , this could be a good use of a question but sarcasm usually does not work well.  This example, exaggerated as it is, does give the idea, gently create the seed of an idea using an indirect approach.

My own experience is the direct approach rarely works and even if the target of your friendly advice appears receptive, trust me they are not.  It’s sort of built in human behavior and like the fight or flight reaction often we cannot even control it if we wanted to.

So what do you think?

Is this a technique worth trying?  Why not give it a whirl next time you are trying to be helpful.  You could be surprised by the results.