Have you every noticed how most of the time you use the phrase “Can I give you some advice”, immediately the target of your advice raises their shields.

Over the years I have come to learn people actually like and appreciate advise, as long as it is hidden in some subterfuge.   It has been my experience most people don’t like to be told what to do, directly.  Indirectly seems to work okay.   I wonder is this is some standard genetic disposition or a built in behavior, something like the well known fight or flight.

Sort of like, you here the words ” Can you do it this way?” and wham the defensive reaction kicks in.

How Can We Help?

Using questions is a great way to pass on suggestions or even direction.  Something like ” Have you thought about using the break to stop the car before we hit the guy in front of us?

Just kidding , this could be a good use of a question but sarcasm usually does not work well.  This example, exaggerated as it is, does give the idea, gently create the seed of an idea using an indirect approach.

My own experience is the direct approach rarely works and even if the target of your friendly advice appears receptive, trust me they are not.  It’s sort of built in human behavior and like the fight or flight reaction often we cannot even control it if we wanted to.

So what do you think?

Is this a technique worth trying?  Why not give it a whirl next time you are trying to be helpful.  You could be surprised by the results.