Monthly Archives: June 2019

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Making Dreams Reality

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During sleep, everyone has a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in their mind.  These dreams occur between light and deep periods of sleep.

Dreaming has been demonstrated to occur during times of rapid eye movement while sleeping.  Interrupted dreams have been shown to illicit psychotic effects.   We need to dream for the sake of our health.

Conscious Dreams

Over time, the term dream has conceptually morphed to mean more than just unconscious thought during sleep.  Typically a conscious dream represents something ethereal, unattainable but desirable.

For example, we may visualize things that support our aspiration to become being wealthy, independent and eternally happy.  These dreams can be very specific.

As a child, you may have dreamed of becoming a rock star.  Without talent, drive and desire this wish might be more inspirational than realistic.  Many would label this a dream.

Achievement Motivation

Dreams can be achieved; however, doing so would require a significant expenditure of time and energy as well as risk-taking.  This means attaining your dreams starts with motivation.

It’s hard to make your dreams a reality and you could well encounter a road full of pitfalls.  Determination founded on strong motivation, (that is you really really need to want it) is needed if you are to persevere.

Fear of failure can limit us from chasing our dream.  Why try if it is unlikely you will succeed.   And it’s hard.  Coupling likelihood of success with effort often creates an insurmountable barrier for us. We dream but don’t attempt achievement.

Consider, just the attempt to reach your dream can be pleasurable, exhilarating and life-giving, so maybe it is difficult and might not lead to success but always it is worth the attempt.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Your Demand is my Command

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The use of power to achieve results typically requires arrogance and lack of empathy.  Almost exclusively the practice is focused on self-aggrandizement, i.e., the action or process of promoting oneself as being powerful or important.

This method can get results but often it leaves a field of dead bodies.  Ultimately it is not a sustainable way to operate.  For one thing, the bodies do run out eventually.

Motivation

Demanding others adhere to your wishes works when the perceived consequences are motivational.  Fear of bad outcomes (e.g., violence, lost job, smeared reputation) do motivate us, but it is limited.

Keeping your instructions limited to a small audience, told not to share, is another typical motivating technique used by the autocratic.

This works because those in the know want to stay that way and so are motivated to follow direction.  Sharing with others can lead to a power challenge and the leader does not want that.

Tactical

The approach, where a super leader dictates who does what and when with minimal (if any) collaboration is very tactical.  That is, constituting actions carefully planned to gain a specific advantage for the leader.

Not surprisingly the super leader approach is appreciated by many organizations, both social and commercial because it does lead to results.  Things get done.

The lack of sustainability and the fact that outcomes are not of high quality is often overlooked.   The overriding fact is “shit got done”.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Use it or Lose it

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Abilities not used are abilities wasted. That is, when you have the capability to achieve something worthwhile, yet choose not to, no purpose is served, an opportunity is wasted.

Of course every action, our entire behaviour throughout life does not have to be purpose focused; however, not being all you can be does seem to be a misuse of your time on earth.

For Your Pleasure

Having a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment is subjective to an extent.  Recognizing variations to the magnitude of impact,  when some activity is considered pleasurable it would probably be considered pleasurable by others as well.

In general, things that create pleasure for one person often generate similar feelings for others.   Accomplishment and satisfaction are generally pleasurable to all.

By inference, using your capabilities to the max, rather than letting them be idle, will lead to accomplishment, satisfaction, and pleasure.  It is worth extending yourself.

Missed Opportunity

If you don’t try using your ability when the opportunity presents itself you may not get another chance.  If you don’t leverage your abilities to the maximum when you can, you might lose the ability to do so (use it or lose it)

A word of caution though,  stretching your abilities beyond your known capability is not recommended.  This could be painful and have negative consequences.

However, when you have the ability to try with a reasonable expectation of success to not do so is a waste.  Don’t be wasteful, go for it.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Angry Eyes

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It has been said the eyes are the window to the soul.  When it comes to communication of information through body language, surprisingly, your eyes can be a powerful tool.

Sometimes the message is one you do not want to share (for example – anger) but your eyes can betray you.  Typically other signs couple with your angry eyes but the eyes can be key to telling others how you really feel.

Hard to Read

There are occasions when we cannot perceive what others mood or emotional reactions are.  Typically this will be the case when the eyes are blank.

We wonder, is anyone home?  Many times this blank-eyed approach is just a conscious effort to remain stoic and not betray our inner feelings.

Manage Your Message

It does take work to control others perceptions, often emotions and the body language associated with them occur sub-consciously and so are a bit out of your control unless you consciously choose to override your natural automated reactions.

Being able to hide your “angry eyes” or some other message which represents what you really think but is probably not appropriate to share can hold you in good stead.

This is not an easy skill to master but certainly a worthwhile one.  Interacting with others while focused on the root topic will usually result in much better outcomes for everyone.

Red herrings and emotions can easily sidetrack an exchange or even lead to others withholding or altering what they share as a result of there perceived interpretation of what you are thinking (e.g., angry eyes).

This can lead to misunderstandings and derail potentially worthwhile discussions that will lead to success for everyone.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Silly Rules

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It always makes me wonder why some people get so excited about enforcing silly rules.  Their enthusiasm for ensuring the letter of the law is followed, stupid or otherwise always puzzles me.

This is the foundational principle of bureaucracy.  In essence bureaucratic process is not about the end result (although it is positioned as such) but rather it’s all about the execution.

Common Sense

Rules that work is not the goal of bureaucratic systems.  The task is often performed for the sake of the task itself.  This is one of the main frustrations people have with bureaucracies.

Theoretically by following the process quality and efficiency ensue.  In reality rigid adherence to policies often causes more delays and mistakes than otherwise.

Flexibility can allow real time tailoring of processes.  Many nimble organizations, groups or just individuals view policies and rules as guidelines at best.

For Example – Stop Signs

I once stood by a stop sign on a residential street by my house and counted the cars that came to a full stop over the course of 30 minutes.

Five cars went by and none came to  a full stop.  Although the rules for stop signs is crystal clear every driver I observed treated it as a guideline rather than a rule.

It appeared safe to proceed into the insersection,following the rule without exception was not deemed necessary.  In this example common sense could and was applied.

I observed no accidents.

Judging Outcomes

Unfortunately for many large commercial, charitable or government organizations processes and practices are not viewed as guidelines but rather absolutes.

This is usually to their detriment and fosters frustration for  their stakeholders.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Sharing Success and Failure

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We sometimes believe sharing failures is a sign of weakness and sharing success is arrogant.   As a result, many of us are not as open as we could be.

The reality, demonstrated by many studies, is the regular sharing of success and failure with others (team, family, colleagues, etc) provides far more benefits than concealment.

Being Aware

Failure is not a lack of weakness.  I prefer to view it as a sign of confidence.  Without confidence you won’t attempt things that you could fail at, hence you won’t fail.

Success leads to happiness and although it may sound unintuitive most people relish the success of others, it makes us all feel good.  For the most part, everyone genuinely enjoys achievements whether their own or others.

Concealing these things from others, thinking it will depress them (failure) or make them jealous (individual success) is just a silly approach.  It is not accurate.

Please much prefer to be in the know relative to what is happening.  The majority of us are mature enough to handle good and bad news without falling apart.   Being excluded is far more detrimental than being informed.

Motivation

Holding back information is demotivating.  People you interact with can sense when you are holding back.  The things you don’t share will be unlikely to demotivate.  The unknown is scary to others and leads to insular behavior.

When others are unsure they tread carefully.  They are unlikely to challenge and push ahead.  Fear of what you are keeping secret is demotivating to them.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Veracity

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When you make a false statement with a deliberate intent to deceive, that is an intentional untruth or falsehood, we label it a lie. 

When you innocently make a false statement you might still be considered a liar as the listener cannot accurately determine intent.  You might be perceived as acting deliberately by default.

The lie you believe is the truth you tell

Making mistakes relative to the veracity of the information you share with others, however innocent, can result in serious negative impacts.

If a statement you make is unknowingly false, it could still be perceived by others as a lie.  While intent matters relative to the determination of a lie or a mistake, the intent is not always easy to determine.

Be Honest

Errors that could be taken as lies should be acknowledged, apologized for and rationale supporting the innocence of the intent.  This disclosure should be undertaken as soon as the mistake is revealed.

Defending your actions is usually not a good idea.  This can reinforce the perception of dishonesty.  Straight up agreement with your accuser and appropriate remorse always works best.

Sometimes you may have lied for the better good.  If uncovered the same approach is best, acknowledge and apologize.  Justifying your lack of veracity might make you feel good but usually does not work well with others.

Accuracy Matters

Avoiding factual mistakes is always the best approach though.  Acknowledge and apologize can work to minimize negative consequences surrounding communication of inaccuracies but it’s best to not put yourself in that situation.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Knowing Yourself

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Before you can understand others you must understand yourself.  In basic terms, self-understanding is your own awareness of and ability to understand the rationale for your taking of an action and reasons behind your reaction to actions taken by others.

This is not to imply that others will only act within the realm of your value system and personal motivations.  Being aware of your self provides a framework to map another person’s behaviors against, for understanding, not for judging.

Not Judging

Of course, we all judge ourselves, sometimes to our determent and often this extends to judging others.  Understanding is not about judging, rather it is knowledge.

Knowing the facts, information, and skills applicable to the situation, derived through experience or education, enables us to gain either a theoretical or practical understanding of others.

Your own experience and education are the foundation from which you can assess others behaviors and most importantly respond accordingly.

By not judging, rather, using an informed and therefore highly accurate knowledge-based assessment to understand why others do what they do your response can be measured, reasonable and most likely well received.

More than Seeing Yourself

Self-understanding goes beyond just viewing yourself in a mirror.  The view you see in a  mirror show what you look like only superficially and real understanding is much deeper than that.

How you think and behave is really what matters for ongoing interactions with others.  Understanding yourself at a deep inner level is key to being able to manage your responses to another’s behavior in the most effective way.

That is, to react in a way that will create a positive experience for everyone involved you need to understand why that would be the case.