Tag Archives: pleasure

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

If your happy and you know it …….

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A childrens ditty from my childhood, simple as it seemed, actually contained some real insight. Happiness is a state of mind, however, to be happy this state of mind must be both acknowledged and accepted.

Situations or material things may influence your state of mind but in and of themselves they do not constitute happiness. Only you can do that by embracing the associated positve emotions.

No Clapping, No Happiness

The childrens song encourages you to acknowledge your state of happiness by clapping. This is a symbolic lyric. The key is acknowledgement.

Happiness is personal (it is about you after all) but letting others know how joyous you are feeling is all part of the condition. Being happy shows and if it does not you are probably not truly happy.

Pursuit of Happiness

The active seeking of happiness, although enshrined as a right in the U.S. constitution has always fallen flat for me. Happiness is not an object or treasure to be sought.

Rather it is a state of being, you don’t find it , recieve it or have it given to you, happiness is attained. You must consciously arrive at a state of happiness through mental processes.

Of course the physical world, other people and your own condition will affect your state of mind and could make achieving a state of happiness difficult, but it is never impossible.

You are in Control

You, and only you, can determine the conditions that lead to a state of happiness. While is is not always obvious how to create these conditions, it is always possible.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Happiness

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The formula for a happy life is not a secret. Tal Ben-Shahar is a self proclaimed happiness researcher. He has a doctorate in organizational behaviour.

Mr. Ben-Shahar famously advised Michelle Obama at their first meeting, when asked what he did, that he was a happiness researcher. Her classic reply, “Oh, is that a thing?”

Ideas

Tal travels the world consulting and lecturing on happiness related behaviours and concepts. One of his several books on the subject, Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, led me to todays topic.

Happiness is of our own making, yet, as implied by the self help books title there is some secret to attaining it. Personally, there is no secret. I know what makes me happy, actually I would suggest most people do.

Choosing to be Happy

For me the hallmark of the work of Tal Ben-Shahar is not researching happiness itself but rather how to practice happiness focused behaviours.

Ultimately it is about choice. The first key step in the secret formula to happiness (which is not really a secret at all) is choosing to do so. Of course the cavet is, “Not at the expense of others”.

Knowing what mkes you happy and choosing to behave in ways that create personal happinessis in fact the simple bu effective secret formula.

The key to this is resisting the urge to let external factors, those out of your control impinge on your happiness. You can contro your own reaction to everything so whatever happens, perceive it correctly and you can be happy.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Relaxing

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The act of relaxing entails engaging in an enjoyable activity so as to become less tired or anxious.  Like a vacation.  Some equate inactivity with relaxation but personally I think it is more about the kind of activity.

Boredom can be stressful.  Being able to occupy yourself in a  satisfying way is associated with enjoyment.  Waiting, wondering and not being sure what the future will bring, can be uncomfortable.

Enjoyment

Taking pleasure in something, i.e, feeling good, enjoying, is a key part of relaxation.  In fact, writing a song for profit or a wrting book or just practicing your profession can be relaxing.  (That is any profession ranging from accountant to swim suite model to doctor and all stops in-between).

Focusing on things that relax you is pleasurable.  A personal goal of mine is to seek maximum pleasure (as long as I don’t impinge on the pleasure of others).  Therefore doing things that are relaxing is something I seek out.

Keep on Moving

Sometimes the challenge is not about avoidance ( i.e., finding ways to not do stressful things).  The greater difficulty can sometimes be finding things that are pleasurable to do.

These can range from playing a video game to planting a garden.  Debating a topic or investing in the stock market.  There are a million activities humans can engage in.

An activity that provides maximum pleasure for one person might be an anathema to another.   For each of us, knowing what relaxes you and seeking it out, is an important part of living your life to the fullest.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Enjoying every moment

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From birth, we have been given  a great opportunity to seek personal pleasure, happiness and joy.  Whether we do or not is a personal choice.

Emotions like anger, frustration, anxiety and others like them don’t fit into the pleasure category for me.  Yet they exist, and although my goal is pleasure I sometimes cannot stop myself from feeling these unpleasant emotions.

Emotional Management

Meditation, quiet reflection or solitary comptemplation are just some of the techniques I have observed others using,and have used myself, to comtrol manage and even eliminate these negative emotions.

I have found though that the most powerful practice is self awareness.  That is interpreting how you are feeling, diagnosing why you feel that way, determine if it acceptable or appropriate and accept or alter the feeling based on this analysis.

At peak operation this self awareness operation is all completed “in the moment”.  A highly skilled practitioner of self awareness rarely gets hooked by external factors and behaves for their own pleaasure (as long as it does not impede on that of others).

Developing the skill

Self awareness is a consciously practised learned behaviour.  You are not born with this skill (i.e., not an inherited trait) but rather must teach yourself the practice.

Like so many skills, you start at the bottom range and through experience and practice you mature your capabilities.  The pre-requisite is only recognition this skill exists, is of value and is key to you maximizing your personal pleasure.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Aspire Against All Odds

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Today a colleague shared  a picture which he called “my special flower”.  Not his wife, daughter or grand child, no it was really his special flower.

 

my special flower

Special because it survived and thrived against all odds.  Arising from a crack in the paving stones of his home driveway the flower is both health and colorful.

And this growth was without nurturing or support , no water or fertilizer, my colleague just let his little flower make it on her own.

What does it take to succeed against all odds?

Despite any outside help this little flower succeeded because it aspired to.  That is, building on a theme from yesterday’s post, the flower practiced the belief that  “If I believe I can, than I can!”

The takeaway here is not the sense of pride my colleague feels for “his little flower” but rather the fact she did it without him.

We do not live and thrive in isolation, we do need support; however, I postulate one of the most important personal value we can practice (if not the most important) is personal accountability.  Regardless of the need for support of others (and most times you really do) the foundation where it all starts is the individual.  You need to believe in yourself, take responsibility for your actions and use this as the springboard for success – bring the other flowers along with you for the ride.

For the greatest success couple your personal accountability with the aspiration to set personal goals and then achieve them (it is you who makes greatness happen not others).

What am I aspiring for?

This is of course a very personal question.  That being said there is a basic methodology you can employ to answer it.

Begin with high level statement of personal purpose, that is a life philosophy.  For example (and I freely admit I borrowed mine from an ancient greek philosopher):

I will live my life to maximize personal pleasure as long as I don’t impede on the personal pleasure of others.

Using this simple statement as a foundation I craft my life around achieving things that make me feel good.  I don’t have or need a bucket list, day by day I live mine.

And so little flower, grow – live long and prosper.