Tag Archives: assistance

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

HelpIng Others

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When you are accountable  (others may be executing the tasks required to meet the objective) the consequences associated with the outcomes fall to you. 

There is a delicate balance between directly assisting (hands-on), providing explicit instructions (micro-managing), gentle guidance (mentoring) and full empowerment (hands-off).

Choosing Wisely

Accountability often entails getting things done through others.  How you assist them is a choice and is very dependent on the situtation.  

The option you choose (from hands-on to hands-off and everything in between) will be a significant contributing factor toward success or failure of the activity. 

The key is not to let anxiety about your accountability override the focus on enabling others to excel.  That is, getting things done through others is not about you, it is about them. 

Helping Unostentatiously

Providing help to others achieve the defined objective (your accountability), regardless of which approach you select (hands-on/hands-off), should be characterized by a lack of vulgar or pretentious behaviour which is designed to impress or attract notice.

The most effective assistance, (that is the actions and results are improved), is seamless, not even noticeable.   Helping others without them knowing is always the best approach.  

Everyone is Important

Sometimes the top level accountability is translated into importance.  Importance is associated with the role and location in an organizational or social heirarchy. 

Others performance,  that is the action of carrying out or accomplishing an action, task, or function, is dependent on the importance you place on it.  

Helping someone accomplish their task should not displace the importance they should feel with your own importance (organizational, structural or otherwise) 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Getting Help

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Independent behaviour is characterized by actions that seem to not be influenced by other people, that is we  resist the pressures to conform or obey others, rather we decide and act on our own.

Independence is a cornerstone measure of self esteem.  Not to say high self esteem requires a lot of independent behaviour but rather choosing to act independently or to follow the direction of others comes easily and naturally and feels like a personal choice.

Independent living

Most cultures around the world if not all are founded on the  principle of individual indepence built on a framework of societal dependence.

The level of control exercised by societies can vary significantly but largely the focus on basic human needs, food and shelter starts with the individual.

This concept of individuality has a genetic influence and during our lives the inate need for individual independence is balanced out by the environmental context.  That is we learn conformance behaviour.

Accepting Dependence

Sometimes all of us benefit from, control direction and direct help of others.  The optimum balance between dependnce and independence is a very individual assessment.

There is a balance, it would be impossible to operate fully at one end ofthe spectrum or the other, although conceptually this is what hermetic behaviour is trying to achieve.   That is a very high level of independence.

Recognizing a balance does exist and seeking the best for you is the point of this post.  If you need help, take it.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Getting Help

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Relying on the assistance of others should neither be a fallback position nor something that is to be avoided.  I am reminded of a Warren Zevon classic rock song with the classic chorus:

Send lawyers guns and money, the shit has hit the fan

Warren Zevon

As implied by the desperate tone of the line, and supported by the rest of the lyrics, this plea for help arrives when the problem has escalated to out of control proportions.  

Waiting too long can make the assistance untenable. 

Not a sign of Weakness

Collaborating with others, enabling everyone to play a role and encouraging it, helps the chances of achieving success. 

I am great because I did it myself, this is of course heroic but typically not sustainable and very susceptible to failure.  We all have our kryptonite, that is something that can defeat us.  

Actually, accepting help gratefully, encouraging it, creating an environment where we all want to help each other as a standard methodology can be far more productive (and sustainable) than the hero approach.

Appreciation is key

Help accepted reluctantly is recognized by others and is a sure way to discourage this behavior.  Giving and getting assistance does have a component of personal gratification and acknowledging and complementing the helper supports this.  

It is basic human nature, supported by human nurture for most people to want to help others.  Environmental factors can impact others natural instinct to be helpful but absent those, it is a natural practice for most. 

We should not deny it or feel threatened.  Giving and accepting help, is a best practice for everyone. 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Helping someone who needs it

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I had a discussion today with a colleague about helping someone who needs it.  For me, the points we bantered about apply whether personal or business focused.

Perception is Reality

It is critical to remember that your reality is based on the way you perceive things and caution must be applied to assumptions about whether help is needed or not.

Trying to assist when assistance is neither desired nor maybe considered required can lead to a whole host of issues.

A key skill to practice from your emotional intelligence (EQ) tool bag is self awareness.  Be aware whether the desire to help is potentially really for you as much as for the target who you are offering support to.   This is a key underlying factor it is really important to have a solid grasp of – that is why are you offering to help.

Receptivity

Most important is to check for receptivity.  Typically helping people who don’t want to be helped requires a battering ram  approach (exaggeration) or careful planning and manipulation.

Obviously the greatest success comes when help is requested rather than offered – although both approaches can work the latter usually requires a little more finesse, sensitivity and ample use of humor (always a good way to grease receptivity).

Why Help and When?

For  the most chance of achieving positive results from the assistance select opportunities where it is needed.

Humans (like most animals) have great instincts and gratuitous offers for help are usually smelt out a mile away.  This results in passive aggressive behavior at best and pure aggressive behavior at worse.

Please be the good Samaritan, this is a basic foundation of high performing cultures (social or business); but exercise with care to achieve the best results.