Adversarial discussions are characterized by conflict or opposition and lurking  beneath the covers, probably some hostility.  Too often, these conversations stem from assumptions of intention.

It may start with some innocent questions for clarification.  The other stakeholder assumes you are against what they are trying to achieve and the adversarial dance begins.

Sadly!

A simple misinterpretation of intentions can derail a potential productive interaction which should have gold at the end of the rainbow.  Even clarifying intentions often won’t put it back on track.

Sadly this type of behavior occurs regularly in most organizations.  It is of course exacerbated by cultural bias, but it is not unusual to see the dance occur, regardless of culture.

To my amusement, often I observe  those who are actually in violent agreement (based on what they are saying) but appear to be just the opposite (i.e., violent disagreement).

Just Listen

The root cause of this type of adversarial discussions lies with  misunderstood intentions.  These stem from listening skills.  That is not just hearing the words but rather the message.

For me as I watch the head butting, or even when I am the object of head butting it never ceases to amaze how agreement is manipulated into disagreement.

Don’t Get Hooked

The way out of these situations is to ensure you are not “hooked” by the others.  That is often the intention of the other party.  They believe if they can just get the hook firmly embedded in your throat they can hall you in.

Unfortunately the result is usually dissatisfaction to all which is of course really unfortunate since the whole situation was actually on the brink of a great collaboration.

Ah, to behave like a human – we are just animals after all.