Tag Archives: regrets

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

No Regrets.

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Sometimes we feel sad, repentant, or disappointed about something that has happened in the past, this can include a loss or missed opportunity (i.e., something that did not actually happen).
Regret is our emotional response related to a desire to revisit the past and make a different decision because the consequences of the decision were unfavorable. In this case, we believe a perceived opportunity was lost.

Mitigating the Risk of Regret

Regret can be avoided by validating your choices before committing to a course of action.  Choosing your course of action always includes a chance the results will not be as expected and may even be disappointing.
Confidence in your choice should be founded on your own internal acknowledgment that regardless of the outcomes, based on what you know at the time you decided, it was the right decision.
It is this confidence that will enable you to avoid regrets.  However, this should not be blind confidence, that is basically a determination that is not based on evidence or determined by reason but rather a confidence founded on thoughtful reasoning.

Avoiding Regret

Regret will never be missed and provides you will little value.  What is done (or not done) in the past cannot be changed.  That is not to say there are no redo’s, there often is the opportunity to try again.  This is an option you may choose.
The key is to be confident in the path you choose works at the moment and if it does not work out in final denouncement then fine, and that is time to just move on (no regrets).
Accepting your choice, being comfortable with what happens, good or bad allows you to remain in good spirits, regardless.   After all, it is your choice.
Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Apologies

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Expressing ones regret over offending others (or mistakes or failures which impact others) for which you accept accountability (i.e., an apology) typically is addressed to those who were negatively impacted.

Although on the surface apologizing appears to be for the benefits of those that were harmed, in reality, it is often more to assist the apologizer themselves with coming to terms with themselves.

Seeking Resolution

An error in action which causes others to think less of you also causes you to think less of yourself.  The resolution needs to include resolving your own internal bad feelings as much or even perhaps more so.

More directly stated, apologies can often be more important for the person making them than the person receiving it.  When I am crafting my apology one objective is to receive recognition and sympathy.

I not only want to mend my relationship with those that we injured by my missteps but also want to feel better about myself.  If the situation is accepted by the relevant stakeholders there is less for me beat myself up about.

Even Praiseworthy

Acknowledging your error and following on your sword clearly and promptly, including what you are doing about the issue (or have already done) to make things whole again is often viewed as a very positive behavior.

If the choice is being defensive or being open and upfront, requesting forgiveness I always choose the latter.  This should not be viewed as a cynical perspective but rather just a practical one.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

A little wistful thinking

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This morning the phrase “If I knew then what I know now….” popped into my head.   It was not about a specific incident but more wistful thinking prompted by a news article I was reading.

Knowing yourself

This mornings wistfulness primarily arose from what I think of myself now versus what I knew about myself forty years ago when I made some key choices about how I would spend my life.

Lest I give the wrong impression, I have no feeling I made the wrong decisions, nor do I have any regrets.  My life so far has been and continues to be fulfilling and satisfying.   I am fortunate in that I am very comfortable with the real events that have brought me to the point I am at (this is not a perception, for me this is – reality)

I often use these posts to share philosophical ideas and that is my purpose today.

Knowledge and Experience

If I knew then what I know now can most often be related to knowledge gained through experience.  There are numerous ways to gather knowledge; whether proactive, reactive or sedentary (you just gather it like a rolling stone does not gather moss) as you move through life knowledge is gathered.

Gathering Experience

My thoughts traveled more along the lines of how  gaining experience requires time.  That is to say, while every moment of your life is an experience, the compiling of valuable and worthwhile knowledge generally (although not always) takes years of gathering, storing and analyzing these moment by moment occurrences.

The conundrum for me is the time it takes to codify a valuable set of experiences to the point where they are useful in guiding your decisions is often too long and so too late.  The decision point has long past.

Why Wistful?

Unfortunately time travel is not a reality (at least that I know of) so there is no way to explore and test alternatives.  What if I had……?

And then I realized, I don’t care and really the point is irrelevant. The enlightenment I experienced at that moment was very heartening and probably proof that I should be more happy than wistful.

What I have experienced, the decisions I have made and where it has brought me are really satisfying (both positive and negative experiences I would not miss one of them).  And that feeling is really good.

And if I did not feel this way, I suddenly understood now be a point to make a change.  It’s never over, never final.