Tag Archives: taking control

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Destiny

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Some believe there are a set of pre-ordained events that will necessarily happen in the future.  This is our destiny.  Perhaps by definition whatever we do,  our destiny is inevitable.

I question the validity of the concept and  I wonder, should we wait for our destiny to just occur or can we self forge it through our actions?

Influence/Control

We can all exercise influence on both others and events. That is we have the ability to try and effect changes in the behavior of someone or something, or the actual effect itself.

Our attempt might not achieve the results we seek but nothing limits us from making the attempt beyond our own motivation and desire to do so.  Taking control can be through the exercise of influence, granted power, or a combination of both.

Personal granted power is an interesting phenomenon as it enables us to command actions from others whose subservience is largely psychological (more about power in a future blog topic).

Shit Happens

Destiny occurs when we can neither exercise influence nor have granted the power to make the change or cause events to occur as we desire.

This is sort of the “shit happens” or “it is what it is mentality”.  It means acknowledging and accepting there was nothing you could do.

Unfortunately, a belief in destiny can cause us to let things occur when in fact we did have options and could take steps/plans to achieve better outcomes.

Destiny, things out of our control probably do exist but perhaps far less than we perceive.  After all, if you don’t try to go up against what is perceived as inevitable, then, of course, that is what it will be.

 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Initiative

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Each of us possesses the power to act or take charge before others do.  We can choose to take the initiative.  The opportunity for seizing the initiative always exists.

The question of whether it is worth the effort to take the initiative is dependent on the benefit.  This is a question of value and has subjective components.  It is, however, a key motivating factor which can drive our choices to act or just wait and watch.

Confidence

Not believing you can be successful when taking the initiative to get something done can be a barrier.  If judged safer to just let things fall out as they will we often choose not to act.

If not acting could lead to a negative consequence,  the perceived benefit of avoiding the consequence could override a lack of confidence.

Satisfaction

Acting on an opportunity is a powerful form of expression.  In essence, “you did it” and so you should feel good about it.  Even just trying (in the case where you are not successful) can lead to being satisfied.  I tried and failed but at least I tried.

Take the initiative can have a positive effect on your well being and I often wonder when I see others pass an opportunity where they could have taken action.

The initiative is not hard but often we perceive it as being so.   We worry others may chastise us, or we might fail or the act could require us to go beyond the limits of our granted authority.

These are legitimate thoughts but the gains from acting when you can far exceed letting your fears hold you back.

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Managing Fear

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Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or other negative consequence.

A close relative to fear is anxiety, your body’s natural response to a feeling of fear or apprehension about what’s to come. For example a task for which you are accountable for but unsure you can complete or imagined unpleasant events that may not materialize.

In Your Head

The key to managing your fear and associated anxiety starts with the recognition that the anticipation of a fearful event is all in your head.

You must interpolate the results of  a specific behavior, action or circumstance which may lead to bad outcomes.  Without this belief in potential pain, there is no fear.

What you believe, how you perceive events sometimes is associated with unconscious thought and simply by bringing it to your consciousness, analyzing the risks and impacts you may well realize fear is unwarranted.

In the Moment

Fear can seize you in a flash.  Taking control at that moment, overriding the built-in autonomic responses driven by your sub-conscious, is key to managing fear.

Most often the causes of fear are not pleasant or at least the anticipated results are unpleasant.  Getting an alert from your body provides an opportunity to react

False Alarm

Many cases are false alarms or the perceived impacts are exxagerated and the feelings you have could potentially do you more harm (from stress and anxiety) than the object of your fear.

It is important in these cases to be self aware and consciously avoid over reaction and thus  unecessary unpleasantness.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Falling on your sword

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When you have made a mistake the most effective approach is always to acknowledge the error without reservation.  This can include explanations, rationale, apologies, offer for recompense, but most important is clear communication relative to acceptance of the fault. 

This clear statement of fault equates to the ancient Japanese tradition of falling on your sword to account for misdeeds (a bit drastic an approach, but okay as an exaggerated analogy).

Clarity and Sincerity

Non apologies are rampant in our culture.  These lead to the question “Do you really mean it”.  If you want to get past the error and move on, the others must believe you accept fault.  

Accepting fault, and making it clear you are fully accountable for you actions provide a solid foundation to resolve the issue.  This does not mean (although often recommended) you need to apologize but you do need to admit complacency. 

Although it does sound trite, problems are a great opportunity to build solid longterm sustainable relationships with others.  The key is how you deal with the issue.  Clear acknowledgment an issue has occured is always the first step. 

Taking Action

Once it has been established an error has occurred and accountability communicated, what next?  Resolving the issue to the satisfaction of all.

You may not be responsible, i.e.,  caused the problem,  but accountability is simply agreement a problem occurred and defining who (you) will resolve it.

Resolution actions can vary widely.  The key here is to achieve an outcome that all the involved stakeholders concur solves the issue.  

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Overcoming Aprehension

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Basic human biology plays an autonomous role governing and controlling our behaviour.  While we might believe we are in control of our thoughts and actions there are many biological influencers which need to be overcome if we are to achieve full control

Consider the simple fight or flight response.  The body produce adrenaline involuntary as a reaction to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival. 

The hormone prepares the body to repel the threat (fight) or flee the threat (flight).  Its production is automatic and conscious thought is needed to override it’s effect, for example, a false alarm.

Communication Apprehension 

Apprehension is the anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen.  Typically it is not consciously derived but rather an unconscious control we develop over time.

In the case of communication apprehension, this may result in holding your tongue when speaking out is more appropriate.

The level of apprehension we may experience arises based on the context of a situation but the underlying individual propensity for apprehension is derived from both nature (genetic) and nurture (learned through experience).

Take Control

Clearly, there is value to these unconscious bio-influencers as they drive appropriate behavior where time is of the essence (fight or flight) or cases where we might do the wrong thing through unclear thinking.  

There is a time though when the unconscious control (e.g., involuntary communication apprehension) does not lead to the better behavior.  In this case, recognize it’s presence and conciously override it.