For the majority of people, life is not a hermitage.   We regularly interact with others.  Our reality is controlled by us but shaped by others.

Living is smoother and more enjoyable when we are able to achieve a common understanding, without too much effort.  When this is not the case we consider others difficult or visa verse.

Flexibility

The key to reaching a common understanding is resisting the adversarial approach.   When you are not clear what is being communicated just say so.

It is important this is done without rancour, condescension or negativity.  All of these approaches immediately set the context as adversarial.  Others perceive the interchange as a personal attack.

From seeking to understand, using  adversarial behaviours moves  you into a battle mode, even if unintended and this can make the achievement of mutual understanding much more difficult.

All about Us

In a way, I feel strange admitting it is not always about me (but most of the time it is so I guess it’s okay).  To achieve a common understanding the only effective approach is all about us.

A common understanding requires a state of affinity or harmony between people. Standing on your hill alone, willing to die for you right to be right, won’t ever lead to a harmonious understanding.

The motivation to seek mutual consensus about things is simply pleasuring.   It feels good to agree with others, they feel good agreeing with you, ergo, everyone feels good.

Thank you, James Brown