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Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Presents or Presence

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This is a time of year for celebration.  Cleverly labeled, we call this the holiday season.  It is a time of getting together with family and friends enjoying good food and other libations and for many, giving and receiving gifts.

Whether associated with a religious celebration (e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah) or just a milestone (e.g., New Year’s day) the spirit of giving (and getting) is prominent.

Aging Population

As the baby boomers grow old their need for material thing’s lessens.   Often their real desire is to share new experiences and memories with their friends and family.

For empty nesters,(i.e.,  co-habitant adults whose progeny have left their childhood home) the real gift is simply the presence of their loved ones. To play on words, presence not presents.

The Joy of Giving

While I do not have empirical evidence, my observation over time coupled with personal experience is giving a gift is more fullfilling than receiving.

Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy it when I am given something.  More than the thing being given though is just the good feeling I get knowing that someone cares about me enough to displays it with a present.

On the other hand the personal feeling of joy and pleasure that spreads through my entire being when I gift someone else is huge.   Giving makes me feel good and my observations of others is this behaviour is not just isolated to me.

Remember though, the gift does not need to be tangible, just a hug or a handshake can often be more than enough.  Of course, you need to be there to do that.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Gifts – giver or receiver

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About ten years ago my mother clearly and definitively advised her children (and their children) that she did not wish to receive gifts (birthday, Christmas or any other).

This is a wish the family has not been able to respect, although the gifts she gets these days are small and usually consumable (my mother has an understandable desire to stop acquiring things).   For me this is simply because, to some extent gift giving is more for the giver than the receiver.

I recently participated in a small celebration which included some gifts.  The recipient was appreciative but suggested for future occasions just a card or mild recognition was all that was needed.  Without thinking (I do that some times) I blurted out “But this is not about you”.

Following a round of polite laughter there was an interesting discussion where it was pointed out the target of the celebration (and gift receiver) was technically the point of the get together and therefore intuitively it was actually about them.  This point I do not argue, my comments were focused on the act of gift giving itself.

Charity

Recently I gave a large monetary gift to the United Way.  There could be lot’s of reasons for this:

  • tax break  (paying the government less money feels good)
  • supporting an organization whose work I respect
  • helping others who need the money more than I do
  • helping others to understand what a nice person you are

What is interesting to me though is to some degree all these reasons have a component that is about me, not the recipient and arguably it’s mainly about making myself feel good.

Not a bad thing

Being altruistic because it makes you feel good is not a bad thing.

Considering the overall picture though, I believe the motivation for giving is not as important as the act of altruism itself.  Motivation is certainly very individual (it is about how the giver feels) and that is as it should be.

On the whole helping others appears to be an intrinsic human trait (with both nature and nurture drivers).

And the Point

If you want to give me stuff – give away.  I will happily accept in order to support your need to enhance self worth.