Category Archives: Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Listening to yourself

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Unconsciously, we are constantly talking to ourselves.  This has been labled”self-talk” and refers not to verbal communication but silent conversations in your mind.

That is not talking aloud, but rather silently communicating internally, sometimes without being fully aware you are doing so.

A Powerful Influence

Self talk is typically more influential on your feelings, attitudes and ultimately behaviour than standard discussions (i.e., talking) with others.

Unfortunately self talk typically focuses on the negative.  It illicits and builds on things like anger, frustration anxiety, fear and so on.

It is rare for us to tell ourselves how great we are doing, promoting confidence even exploring topics that provide pleasure and self satisfaction.

It is rare for self talk to pep you up and assist with personal success, particularly in it’s unconscious form.  We don’t even realize how we are dragging ourselves down.

This can change if you take conscious control of your self talk.

Take Control

When you take control and direct your self talk in positive and up lifting ways it can be a very powerful tool.  You can influence how you think and behave just by having a conversation with yourself (silently of course).

Using self talk conciously enables you to make sure the message is appropriate for you and allows for the application of logic to make what you are thinking is likely to achieve the desired results.

The first step to owning your self talk is recognition.  Pay attention to what you are telling yourself.  This will let you question the direction you are giving and perhaps modify or even block the message.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Bargaining

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Working to define the terms and conditions of a transaction through discussion is the classic definition of bargaining.   Typically you are working for your own benefit.

When the results are in our favor we typically call this a bargain.  The implication is a bargain is a result of negotiating favorable terms.

Winners and Losers

Logically, for any given transaction, if one person got a bargain, the other did not.  Of course both can percieve, from a subjective perspective, the transaction was in their favor.

The will occur when the participating parties have different priorities.  For example in a sale transaction if one party has price as a priority and the other timeliness both aspects could be satisfied and everyone feels they got a bargain.

Unfortunately this win/win scenario is not always possible and some times the bargain sessions and associated results or failure to achieve results at all can leave one or even both parties dissapointed.

Personally, when bargaining, I often find seeking a bargain that works well for everyone leads to the best results.  That is not just thinking about your priorities but giving the other parties some thought as well.

If I can’t win, I don’t want to play

Of course, seeking a solution beneficial to all is not a one way street and although it is a great perspective, I have found it is not always feasible.  

However, sometimes a party to the bargain is ruthlessly self centered and in those cases seeking a solution that works best for you can become the only viable option.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Foundations of Culture

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Many cultures exist around the world.  That is, a particular people or society develop their ideas, customs and social behavior which apply to the group as a whole.

The behavior associated with the cultural norms likely derives from many factors,  both environment and genetic.  That is the temperment of a people can be bred, learned or a combination of both.

Human Inhumanity to Human

One key aspect of culture is how people interract with others .  From politeness to predudicial brutality unfortunately the societal norms do always lead to equal treatment for all.

Like typical animal behavior, observed in many species, the pack mentalty applies.  The larger pack (the in group) can treat the minorities with distain and even worse.

How Culture Develops

Cultural develops and changes over time with the group psyche.  This is influenced by historical events (e.g. war and and famine), geography ( e.g., nearness to others,  natural bordr protection, isolation).

Population density, weather, availability and type of food are among the many other things that drive cultural development.

For Example

I have visited Japan often and can cite my observations as to drivers of their cultural development.  First, isolation (it’s a collection of islands) has led to self reliance and associated operational efficiencies.

The population density (the islands are full of people) has led to an extreme politeness and powerful national pride.  Being a Japaness citizen is an honor, dual citizenship is not allowed.  Who would want to be be anything else?

Earthquakes and typhoons occur often and has led to a very resilient culture.

Culture is real and very powerful and as a whole people of specific regions adhere to the values and behavioral norms passed on historically, changing with time as the historical events and geographic isolation morphs.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Making Mistakes

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Planning is a great way to reduce the risk of unexpected outcomes.  That is your action is misguided and the results are wrong.

Judging the occurance of mistakes can be a bit subjective, one person might think a mistake has been mase while another does not.

Inevitable

While the frequency of mistakes is reduced by planning it is never eliminated.  While we generally work to avoid the occurance of mstakes, they are not necessarily bad.

Overcoming an undesirable result can leave to improvement and of course experience and life learning are invaluable.

Identify, Fix, Move on

Most importantly do not deny or ignore the outcomes when a mistake occurs.  It might be appropriate to only acknowledge what happened with no further action required, the key is this needs to be a conscious decision.

Of course a correction or improvement is often the best course.  This is really just a replanning exercise.  Consider what occured, the root causes and the best next steps.

It is an Opportunity

I almost always gag when a boss or colleague suggests a problem or issue is really just an opportunity.

Applying this logic to mistakes (which can be a sub-set of problems or issues) works for me as typically they are of your own making, you own them.

A mistake affects you and is related to your involvement.  It is not unusual to expect you to act.  Viewing the mistake as an opportunity rather than a defeat, will help you do that.

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Asking Questions

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Eliciting information from others is a very important practice.  There are many things we don’t know, others may know them or may not, but questioning is a good way to find out. 

Unfortunately, the answer to your question might not be forthcoming or inaccurate or even a deliberate falsehood.  Also, sometimes others are disdainful of those who ask questions. Occasionally I hear, “You ask too many questions”

Is there another way?

Obviously a direct question is not the only way to elicit information from others.  More subtle methods could be employed to get the information desired. 

This can involve making a statement or observation or even taking an action intended to get a response which provides the information that is sought after. 

The indirect forms of eliciting information from others may also have a bit more veracity as the other person may not realize they are being probed and so do not filter the reaction. 

Asking Directly

Still, while less direct methods can be used there is always the question of clarity, the potential the result of your probing misunderstood.  You may misinterpret the response and think you have elicited the desired information when in fact, you have not. 

A direct question, while it might not always get an honest or accurate answer provides greater ability for you to assess the value information received. 

As well, follow up questions can be used to resolve any ambiguity to perceive in the answer.  

Don’t hold back

Whether you seek to elicit information directly or indirectly the main advise is to proceed.  There are gaps in everyones information and questioning in some form is often the only way to resolve them. 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Visualization

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Visualization is a communication technique.  It is a very effective way to communicate both abstract and concrete ideas and has been employed since the dawn of humanity.

The key to effective visualization is the ability to create mental imagery.  Basically the message is converted by enabling the recipient to view the concept without physically seeing it. 

Maps

Maps have long been used by people to present geographic information that allows the visualization of locations, for example terrain, boundaries, landmarks.

Maps are a great visualization tool  that can be used to determine things like plan of attack (historically this was an important use), travel plans, ownership and so on.   

The key here is not the physical map (just a tool) but the ability of the viewer to create a mental image of the unknown based on the map.  This increases the likelihood decisions based on the information will be good ones.  

The Minds Eye

While tools, that is images or templates are valuable in the process of visualization the technique relies on a persons ability to “see with their minds eye”

A physical presence is not needed to actually view the object of visualization.  You may be in an empty room and see it in your mind as furnished.  Based on the mental imagery you can build a design plan that will be appealing to you without a lot of trial and error.

Not Always Easy

The technique can be very powerful but is not always easily executed.  You need to train your mind to see things without using your eyes.  This is a great skill and well worth cultivating but you will probably need to practice to create proficiency.

The first step is accepting the value of visualization and the second is focusing your mind on the concept you want to visualize.  That will get you started. 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Polarizing Personality

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The ability to unite or divide people just through the power of your personality, that is to become larger than life, are key attributes of those with a polarizing personality.

These individuals tend to attract followers who form a cult of personality around them.   Detractors, also form strong emotional opinions.  For those with a polarizing personality, there is typically no middle ground.  

Love ’em or Hate ’em

Polarization is about migration to one pole, negative or the other positive.  There is no middle. 

For some leaders or a well known public figures, using the sheer power of personality to capture a large group of supporters in agreement with their clear and usually absorbing views, is imperative.

The combination of characteristics or qualities forming their distinctive character drive support.  Forceful communication and clarity of purpose are hallmarks of their methodology. 

Good leaders or Bad

Polarizing personalities can be used to support a leaders agenda.  Some will view the agenda as good and some will be diametrically opposed.  Typically though there is little middle ground (i.e., it’s okay or I can live with that usually do not apply).

Leaders who leverage their personality to enable the exercise of power can be very effective but typically this approach is dictatorial and one-sided.  This means it is only sustainable while the leader continues to polarize a majority of the followers. 

Dissatisfaction with the pole (positive or negative) to which the populous is being driven ultimately ends the influence and the polarizing leader succumbs to defeat. 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Accountability

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Often when a team is working on a common objective we assign roles to help clarify the expectations of each participant.  Two of these role designations are accountability and responsibility. 

I have found many friends, colleagues and acquaintances have different perspectives relative to the roles defined by these terms.  As well, there can be a different interpretation of the term between team members. 

Responsible or Accountable 

To be responsible means to be answerable for something within one’s power or control. Notice the two aspects of this definition – the ability to control plus being able to answer for something.

To be accountable means to be subject to giving an account or having the obligation to report, explain or justify something.  Ultimately this accountable role is “where the buck stops”.

That is, questions, decisions, collaboration can occur among the team, and should, but ultimately the person accountable needs to buy in as they will be the one in the hot seat. 

Or Both

It may be semantics but the tricky part is the interrelation between accountable and responsible.   Accountability probably means delegation of responsibility to someone else for the actual work, while retaining answerability.

So while the execution of the work is not directly under control of the accountable role, in essence, the shit could hit their fan harder than that of the designated responsible entity, so along with their accountability comes responsibility.

On the other hand

Those designated as responsible are answerable for the tasks assigned and so while they could sit back and watch the accountable person squirm they do have a real stake in the outcome, so in a way, for the piece under their control, they are accountable too.

The real differentiation

For me, the true differentiator for these two terms is who is actually doing the work.  Basically the accountable role assigns and oversees while the responsible role does the work.  Beyond that, both are answerable for results. 

 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Thinking

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Thinking begins in your mind.  Thinking is the process of using one’s mind to consider or reason about something.  Typically thought is constrained by pre-defined concepts.  

That is, you need something to think about and normally that is already defined.  Based on the already known concepts you use reasoning to develop an understanding that goes beyond, or perhaps just validates what is know. 

Unconstrained Thinking

Given most thoughts begin on the foundation of an already recognized concept truly free thinking is difficult to engineer.  In essence the thought process begins from nothing.  

There is no starting point or beginning.  Thinking without reference or conceived understanding of something is the most innovative and creative.  

As there is no defined starting point or goal, free form thinking almost needs to start from a point of unconscious awareness (two contradictory concepts).

Manage your Thoughts

While you can use your mind both consciously and unconsciously, control of the process typically requires some conscious oversight to be a fully formed idea you can act on.

To avoid constraints, migrating the idea from your sub-conscious to fully conscious state of mind enables you to initiate the thought process without casting out the apparently unrealistic thoughts.  

Unfortunately our conscious minds apply pre-conceived constraints, assuming they are valid, which causes ideas which do not conform to known concepts to be cast aside arbitrarily.  

Unconstrained thinking does not always lead to results but if you shut ideas down without some thought, good things can be overlooked. 

Random thoughts – keeping you on your toes

Why worry

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I often post about emotions that I do not believe add great value to our lives.  These are real emotions and often driven unconsciously.  That is, we have to exert real conscious effort to take control of how we feel and ultimately govern our associated behaviours. 

Today’s pick is “worry” (closely related to anxiety).  Worry occurs when we allow our minds to dwell on difficulty or troubles.  In essence, this is a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems.

Unpleasant

Worry is not a pleasant feeling.  Basically  by assuming the uncertain future is possibly or even probably going to be bad we create personal unhappiness  (worry is about things that have not happened yet, ergo uncertain).

If we share our worries with others personal unhappiness might spread like an epidemic.  Doing this might allow us to spread the burden of angst, thus lowering our own worry, but unfortunately raising that of others. 

Why Worry

Given worry is not pleasant, but a valid human emotion, what is the value?  

In short, we pay attention to the things we worry about, that is they become either top of mind or an omnipresent unsettling conscious thought that sticks with you until the worrisome thing occurs (or doesn’t).

The positive value can be attained if you consciously plan a solution to your worry and then executing on the plan.   This addresses the object of worry and mitigates or even fully removes the risk of negative consequence.

And, if unable to create a plan of attack to remove the worry, why bother continuing to worry, there is nothing you can do anyway.  Suck it up, toss the unpleasant feeling out the window and move on.