About ten years ago my mother clearly and definitively advised her children (and their children) that she did not wish to receive gifts (birthday, Christmas or any other).

This is a wish the family has not been able to respect, although the gifts she gets these days are small and usually consumable (my mother has an understandable desire to stop acquiring things).   For me this is simply because, to some extent gift giving is more for the giver than the receiver.

I recently participated in a small celebration which included some gifts.  The recipient was appreciative but suggested for future occasions just a card or mild recognition was all that was needed.  Without thinking (I do that some times) I blurted out “But this is not about you”.

Following a round of polite laughter there was an interesting discussion where it was pointed out the target of the celebration (and gift receiver) was technically the point of the get together and therefore intuitively it was actually about them.  This point I do not argue, my comments were focused on the act of gift giving itself.

Charity

Recently I gave a large monetary gift to the United Way.  There could be lot’s of reasons for this:

• tax break  (paying the government less money feels good)
• supporting an organization whose work I respect
• helping others who need the money more than I do
• helping others to understand what a nice person you are

What is interesting to me though is to some degree all these reasons have a component that is about me, not the recipient and arguably it’s mainly about making myself feel good.

Not a bad thing

Being altruistic because it makes you feel good is not a bad thing.

Considering the overall picture though, I believe the motivation for giving is not as important as the act of altruism itself.  Motivation is certainly very individual (it is about how the giver feels) and that is as it should be.

On the whole helping others appears to be an intrinsic human trait (with both nature and nurture drivers).

And the Point

If you want to give me stuff – give away.  I will happily accept in order to support your need to enhance self worth.