Conflicts between humans are normal. Expecting to live in a conflict-free environment is probably desirable but not realistic. For most of us encountering an important topic or problem for debate or discussion is a daily occurrence.
Interacting with others to resolve issues can involve emotional responses and can lead to distress not directly associated with the issue.
Focus on the Problem
It is not unusual for us to support our positions by attacking our opponents. This usually fails and just causes the discussion (or debate) to escalate.
The real issue is lost in the blame game. It is human nature to be first to ensure it’s clear someone else created the problem. Unfortunately, while this might feel right, it definitely is not the best way to achieve issue resolution.
When discussing a topic, if you are really seeking a solution, it works best to focus on the problem. Discussion points that include names or pronouns (e.g., you, he, she, them) typically contain some attack or validation at the expense of others.
Adversarial
When the conversation includes comments on other peoples behavior, no matter how accurate you think your perspective is, the other person might not agree with you and even if they do it could be perceived as an insult.
The solution to working with others collaboratively is relatively simple. Without reference to other actions or faults, the focus stays on point, ie, how to address and resolve the issue.
When you believe you about to referencing another person, this almost always involves a name or pronoun. Catch yourself before it’s too late and you are more likely to attain your objective.
