The other day a colleague advised me the topic I had raised for discussion was “my problem”.  This is hard to dispute as I am a believer in personal accountability.

What surprised me though, was the lack of understanding around the impact of such responses.  The message is clear, we are not a team, why are you bothering me with your problems.

Good communication benefits everyone

Team players understand the need to share.  The menbers of your organization are undoubtedly unique and diverse in their personalities and the associated behaviours.

Being a team player does not require empathy, sympathy or replication of others behaviours but it does mean listening, probing and understanding (i.e., strong communication).

We don’t always agree with each other, nor do we need too.  Diversity of thought and action are the underpinnings of innovation, efficiencies and high performing results.

Attack the idea not the behaviour.

It is easy to shut down collaboration, just respond with comments related to a persons behaviour.  For example, “not my problem, what a dumb thing to say, you have issues, you have not thought this out very well”

It’s not a stretch to realize those responses are not going to lead to a productive discussion nor team focused resolution.  Behaving individualistically encourages the same in others.

Help yourself and others

Being responsive, respectful and focusing on the content rather than the individual (e.g., you are, you said) benefits everyone.  Positive conclusions are achieved, not neccessarily agreement but at a minimum understanding.

So next time, before responding to someone in a way that includes, “you” or “ your” or “their” and so on pause and rephrase in a way that will result in more effective collaboration.